keep me cold

Him

his eyes were blue. that's what i always remember first. so bright and piercing, like the sun reflecting off of the cool, calm surface of a lake. his hands were rough. that's what i remember next. all scarred and blistered from machines i would never know how to handle. just thinking about the way his fingers fell on my face and dragged their way down my neck made me shiver. i saw him almost everyday for a year before we ever spoke. i passed him, just as i walked past the newsagents on the corner of our street, he would come around the corner, his eyes trained on his shoes. he would look up just as i would. we'd make eye contact, he would grin and i would always be the first to look away, glancing down at the ground with a smirk on my lips and a blush on my cheeks. he always wore the same thing. a grey t-shirt and dark blue jeans. the same black backpack always hung from his broad shoulders and reached down to the bottom of his back. i knew this cause i always looked back after i passed him. it was after a year of this daily interaction that we finally spoke. i was late for school, not of my own accord. i had been ready to leave, almost out the door, when he came home. 

as i grab my bag and swing it over my shoulder i hear something heavy bang against the door. i freeze, my entire body going stiff. there's a muffled yell, followed by the scrapping of metal against metal. after a couple seconds of the scraping sounds and my light breathing, the undeniable sound of a key sliding into a lock echoes through the flat and the door swings open. instantly he falls, like a tree, over the threshold. 

after getting him into a standing position, he seems to come to his senses slightly. 

"Daniel." he slurs, turning his head to me, the stench of cheap whiskey hitting my face and i have to force myself not to gag. 

"dad." i say, my jaw clenching and un-clenching. 

"Daniel, my boy." he says, turning his entire body to face me and putting his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. i glare deep into the grey swirling orbs and disgust fills my gut. liar.

"you told me- you promised me." the words come out low and gruff through my gritted teeth. it takes him a couple seconds to process them and respond.

"promised what?" his eyebrows furrow and the lines on his forehead form like crevices in great mountains. 

"you promised me you wouldn't drink. you promised me you could get through this by yourself." my throat starts to constrict and tears threaten to prick my eyes. 

"no no on." he shakes his head vigorously. "i didn't... I'm not." liar. he tries to take a step away from me, dropping his hands from my face, but only stumbles and has to reach out to grab me for support. he looks up at me from his hunched state and laughs. "look how silly your old man is." the giggle that emits from his throat is the last straw. shoving his hands off me, i push him back. 

"you're drunk!" he falls against the wall and tries to balance himself. "you're piss drunk at 8:00 am!" his head snaps to me and there's no trace of laughter left on his face. standing up to his full height he doesn't tower over me like he used to, but he's still imposingly tall. 

"how dare you speak to your father like that." his voice is steady and the slur is almost non-existent. 

"you're barely a father to me." i stand my ground. determined not to let him win this one.

"how dare you!" he yells, lunging for me. i duck his outstretched arms and he falls into the closed door. "I've raised you!" i laugh. is he serious?

"for the last ten years all you've done is mope around the house and feel sorry for yourself!" his eyes burn with a rage stronger than a wild fire. 

"I'm your father! you will respect me!" 

"look at yourself!" i yell right back. this is it. i wont take anymore of his bullshit. "you're weak! you're just a stupid, useless, weak old man!" i hiss at him. the fire burns brighter but he stays where he is, mot saying a word. "you cant even deny it! you know that you are!" i wait for him to respond. he doesn't. "stupid!" he glares, his chest rising rapidly. "useless!" his face twitches. "weak!" his hands are around my neck before i can do anything and my back is pressed up against the wall. 

"don't you dare!" he spits at me, his hands pushing harder on my neck. "I'm your father!" my vision starts to blur as desperate, hot tears fill my eyes and start to pour down my cheeks and my fingers pull, unsuccessfully, at his hands. he leans close to my ear, whispering in a low threatening voice. "if I'm a stupid, useless, weak old man..." my words sound vicious coming from his lips. "then what are you?" he pulls back looking into my face. "huh!" he yells. unable to breath i kick my legs out against the wall and my fingers still try and pry at his talon like grip. "you're a disappointment." he growls. "i bet she's up there." he says looking at the ceiling. "she's up there in heaven, looking down at us right now. and you know what shes thinking?" 

"no." i beg him to stop, the word barely even a whisper. 

"she's thanking that train for hitting her." he laughs maniacally. i shake my head, desperately trying to block out his voice. "because she'd rather be dead than live to see how you turned out." his words hurt more than the constricting grip around my throat. 

"please..." i gasp. "stop..." i feel my head starting to spin and just as my vision starts to go black, I'm falling to the ground. thankful air rushes through my lungs as i collapse onto the wall, sliding down it till I'm lying on the cold, hard floor. tears still shake my body as i hear footsteps retreating away from me and a distant door slam. after a couple seconds of coughing and spluttering, i feel strength slowly start to fill my shivering limbs and as soon as they stop shaking, i crawl onto my knees and cling onto the wall. slowly i push my weight onto my feet and fall towards the door, struggling with the lock for a second before it releases me. 

the cold air hits me and the salty tears still streaked down to my chin sting. i stand for a second in the wind, my jacket whipping around my waist, before i start to walk. i don't think of what direction I'm going in. i just walk. the concrete below my feet changes as i walk further and further away and i turn corners at random. suddenly something crashed into me, sending my fragile body flying down to the pavement. 

"oh shit, I'm so sorry i wasn't-" i look up and he instantly stops talking. "oh." 

{authors note}

so this chapter (and maybe the next) are just kinda flashback chapters just to kinda add some context to the present narrative.

who do you think this new guy is? 

hope you enjoyed this, if you did then vote, comment and all that shit. it helps me boost my already inflated ego. 

anything you want to happen in the story? or just any opinions on any of the characters?