Logan

never enough

"Chip, start voice recorder," I swiveled in a small chair and sighed.

"Starting.." *beep*! 

I cleared my throat and sighed again. But this time, instead of air, my soul blew out of my lungs. 

"January 1st, a shit month and even more shit year. Brutus kicked me out again and my fish died. Life is just great." I pushed off the side of the desk with my foot, making the wheels on the chair squeak. 

"Perill, you know life doesn't suck," The red ship replied. "You've done this before so..logically..you can do it again." 

I laughed at his comment, "Chip, my buddy, you're an A.I. I don't think you'll ever understand what I'm feeling. Sometimes logic doesn't help in these kinds of situations..even though I wish it would sometimes." As I look out the window into empty space, memories of my parents slip into my mind. 

--

"Perill, honey, you have to use the 42 wrench not the 37 wrench. What the heck are ya tryna do? Poke your eye out or somethin'?" My dad laughed and handed me the right wrench. We were working on my neighbor's ship. He just needed a tune up so my dad let me at it for some good practice. 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry," I laughed and took the wrench. "So...dad..about the city and helping and all that..can I help?" I held my breath as I waited for his answer, knowing damn well what he was going to say. 

"Sweetheart, we've talked about this many times. You know your mother and I don't want you in danger. That's why we have you stay with Uncle Brutus when we go out on missions. It's too dangerous, your mother and I have both told you this." He smiled at me with a sad look, as if his heart winced. 

"I..-"

"Perill. No. You are never allowed to come with your mother and I. Under no circumstances are you allowed outside during a mission, do you hear me?" There he was. The protective father. Every girl in Great Atlantis wanted one just like him. 

"I know...I'm sorry for asking...," I paused, "But, Dad, I'm almost old enough to join the corps and fight along side you guys. As the daughter of the Rebel Leaders, don't you think I should be beside you? I could represent all of the children and-"

"Perill Avail DeCampeon! I said no!" He slammed his hands on the work table. The vibrations wiggled in my soul. "Geezus, I just..I just don't get it. Why can't you just..listen!? We don't want you to get hurt!" He was practically screaming now. 

That's it. "Dad, I've tried my damn best to respect you but I've fucking had it. You know I love both you and mom to death," My voice was a little shaky as tears began to well. "You keep saying nothing will happen but what if something does happen!? What if you fucking die!? What will happen to me? What will happen to the people!? You can't keep doing this alone. You and mom are not enough!"

"What? And you think you can just magically come in and save the day? Huh, Perill? You think you're some superhero? Well listen here, superheros are shot in the face for everyone to see. You know that. you've seen it. It's supposed to scare you."

"Then why aren't you scared? What makes you and mom Superheros?" I crossed my arms.

"It's our duty. We were chosen to save the people, and you know it."

"Whatever, You can believe in some crazy chic in the damn sky, see if I care, but if she gets you killed..I will never forgive her."

"Hymee won't let us die, Perill. She picked us to save lives. We have to finish the job before anything else. If she wants us to die after we're finished, fine. It's her choice."

"Shit! You act like this queen is your entire life! Haven't you ever thought about what's outside of the world!? You've never been outside of the gates. You send all of these people to The Station but you never go there yourself. The only reason I come back to Earth is because of you guys," I balled my hands into fists. "Dad, I hate him. I hate Brutus. I don't care if he's your brother. I don't care if you love him. He hurts me. He beats me. I've had to knock him unconscious a couple of times because he'd try to have sex with me," I fell silent. I haven't actually said any of that out loud before. And now I'm telling my dad? Guts.

"Brutus would never do anything like that, don't you dare put shit on his doorstep. He is a strong and reliable man." My father spit at my face, pointing at me as he clenched his teeth.

"Otis, Brutus is a shit human being who does not deserve salvation. He deserves to be exiled from The Breath of Hymee. He is too cruel for heaven."

"So, you do know how religion works," His voice was flat. "I'm done. You are too. Pack your bags. You're going to your uncle's house right now. I need you away from the danger so you won't try anything stupid. Go. Now."

"Dad, I-"

"Now!" He slammed the work table again, only this time I think he put a dent in it. I was scared. I hadn't seen him this angry in ages. 

"Yes sir.." I murmured and set the wrench beside his hand. I looked up and into his eyes. He was going to cry as soon as I left. 

--

"It's been almost 4 years since that fight; 4 years since they died. I was around 10 years old. I've been living with Brutus and his abusive ass. I hated my life and myself because I thought their deaths were all my fault. I should have gone against my dad's words. I should have fought him for my place in leadership." I sniffled and wiped my nose. 

"Perill, I know it's hard for you sometimes. You'll get through it. Here," Chip pulled up a screen with the Space Program logo across it. "You should just fill out an application." 

"But..," Tears rolled down the side of my cheek. "Okay..I'll just fill it out." 

"Oh, wonderful." *beep beep*! "Incoming transmission from Brutus."

"Cancel."

"Perill.."

"Cancel it, dammit!"

"I can't. you know I can't."

I sighed and let it ring for a couple more seconds. "Fine." Brutus appeared on my main screen. 

"God fucking damn it girl I told you! When I call you, you drop everything to answer me! Do you hear me!?"

"Oh shut your fucking mouth. You were the one who kicked me out!"

"You better fucking watch it girly. You'll be back, and when you are," He licked his lips. I shuddered at the thought of him touching me again. 

"No."

"Excuse me?" He seemed offended. Good. 

"I said no. I'm not coming back. I have everything I need here in order to live. I don't need your petty shit anymore," I plopped into the pilot seat and strapped my seat belt across my chest. "Have a wonderful time in exile you fucking pervert. End call."

"Call ended." Chip responded. 

"End recording."

"Recording ended. Placed in Archives."

"Next stop, Bounty Bar." And with that I was off. My lonely journey had now begun. 

Alright so I know this is a super short chapter but I needed to pump something out for you guys. Please make sure you vote and/or leave a supporting comment! Thank you guys so much! 

-Auxana Blue