The Curse Of An Alpha *MATURE*

Chapter 19; letting go

THANKS FOR 100,000 READS OMG!

Bad news (for me anyway), I'm either lactose intolerant or have irritable bowel syndrome or maybe Crohn's disease. I've just been to the doctors (writing this on Thursday) and I have to have blood tests ha. Either way, I'm not allowed dairy. At all. And if anyone knows me- I love milk with my tea and soya milk just doesn't taste the same. Great.

Anyway, enjoy.

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There was a darkness in her that snarled and quivered whenever she reached for the light. It felt threatened and alone as she sat at the corner of her bed in darkness and stared- that's all she had done, save for cry and scream, and despite the burning in her eyes and the headache that rang in her skull, Alice didn't care.

To take his bite would mean to take misery. To refuse his bite would mean to refuse to live. Yet what hope was there for her when she couldn't die?

He'd kill her, she knew. Alice had seen it in his eyes that even if he didn't want to, even if he killed himself in the process, he'd end her misery. Was she selfish enough to want to put Colden through that misery?

"Yes," the darkness in her hissed and clawed at her mind. "You're a selfish little thing," it reminded her over and over again. 

A knock sounded on the door. She glared at the wood, hoped that the person- whoever it was- would take a hint and leave. But they didn't and now she faced Belle who eyed her with a cautiousness that took her breath away. When Alice glanced down, she noted that her nails were as sharp as claws and there was blood inside her palms.

Then she took in her room and realised that she had destroyed it. She should have felt guilty. Yet the darkness sang and rang and sang and rang. Alice didn't care.

"The funeral is in an hour," Belle didn't come in as she murmured, her eyes trailed over the broken furniture and pillows. She didn't comment on her anger or the state of the room.

"Ok," her voice cracked and she darted her tongue out to moisten her lips. She tasted blood.

"Are you going to come?" Belle questioned though she still stood in the archway of her room. Alice's shoulders cracked when she shrugged, a sigh passed her mouth as rain pelted against her window.

"Should I?" They blamed her anyway. She had smelt it when they had first arrived here, the fear, the hurt, the anger. It was the same anger that consumed her. "Is it my place?"

"It's not your fault," Belle murmured, her eyes crystal like and her skin pale, "you know that."

Alice wondered how often they lied. After all, how could it not be her fault? She didn't know whether it was the darkness that made her a miserable git or whether she had just pushed it away for too long, but all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep the war away. She really didn't want to be a wolf.

"Did it hurt?" Alice arched an eyebrow, tugging a matted curl behind her ear, "the shift, I mean?"

"Yes," she stated without breaking their gaze, "it was the worst pain I had ever experienced. But it was better than_"

Alice turned her eyes back to the window. She didn't know what it was like to run from monsters, to get a hint of normalcy and then be thrust in a world that was anything but. She had had a normal life with Elliot, even if he had ruined it. She wanted that life back. She was greedy for it like a child in a candy store and even though it was within reach, much like a window something blocked it from her.