Jab Bana Uska Hi Bana ~ AVNEIL

Part One

Avni's POV:

I watched from the doorway as Neil sipped on yet another glass of some kind of alcoholic beverage, he held the glass so tightly in his hand I was fearful it would break, though I couldn't help but think that surely glass was more fragile than me, yet he held me with a sensitivity I had never experienced before. I shook my head wanting to rid myself of those kind of thoughts, seemingly while doing this I had gained his attention, it seemed no matter how much I tried to stay hidden, he always found me.

He looked up, his eyes hooded and then he was standing "Avni" the way he said my name was a breathless caress, his long fingers began to soothe down the creases in his blazer, his right hand quickly moved to run through his hair, he was nervous but I had no idea why, was he trying to impress me by attempting to maintain a better appearance? "Please sit down" Neil's hand gestured to the sofa by his knees

I wasnt sure what made me walk over to him, but I did and I sat down, my aim was to be far from the man that kept me here but I couldn't, one look from him and it seemed I would do anything he asked without hesitation "You say this is my own home, then tell me why you're keeping me here as a prisoner, shouldn't I be allowed to leave" I continued to look at his shoes, if I made eye contact I would never ask the questions I wanted the answers to.

He looked at me, hanging on my every word "You're not a prisoner, but I know if I let you leave, you will never return to me and I can't have that" it was strange, to see one of the most powerful men brought to his knees as he begged me to stay

"Why am I so important to you, im not your wife" I felt tired, I knew I was crying and I hated it, hated feeling weak infront of this stranger 

He raised his thumb, wiping away a tear of his own and then kissed away mine, everything about him was alluring, his scent, the way he looked at me, his words, his voice "I know you dont remember, but I am your husband, I love you and I can't lose you, I let you down before, I couldnt keep you safe, please dont take that away from me again, please just let me try" his hands were still cupping my cheeks, I should have moved away, but I didn't.

I felt like I was frozen in my chair, his eyes held longing and despair, unblinking as he looked at me, his fingers brushing against my bottom lip

"I will love you till the end of time, all im asking is you stay". Like nothing had happened, like the words he said were nothing but a mere whisper, like I couldnt hear it, my captor stood up and stepped away, "Dinner will be ready soon" 

There was something impersonal about him not saying my name, like it was a way of distancing himself from me, like my name made all of this that bit more real. I hated myself for noticing him the way I did, for feeling some kind of connection with him even though I did not know him.
When I looked up, I didnt expect him to be still watching me, his hand clenched around the door arch, like there was still something to say "I will never love you if you keep me here, I deserve freedom" the words tasted bitter in my own mouth and I instantly regretted them

"Where will you go, I am all you have, all you will ever have, you think I am the monster, I am, but I will never hurt you, I wish to keep you safe, that is all, I will die trying, don't you know there are worse monsters out there than me, that will hurt" he gritted his teeth, turning away "That will hurt you Avni"

My heart was racing at his words, he seemed to care so much, but I wanted freedom, he wanted me to remember but what if I never did, would he keep me here? "Add jail bars on my windows, you do whatever you like but I will escape" I stood up, hoping to get away from him, from whatever strange bond we seemed to share

Neil grabbed me, his fingers around my wrist and tugged me toward him "You cannot leave, I wont let you" his fingers were still gentle around my wrist, and his eyes sincere but I couldn't stop the tears. He stepped back, shaking his head, he seemed disappointed in himself "Im sorry, I didnt mean to make you cry, all I ever do is make you cry, I hate myself for it, I promised I would never make you cry". He laughed humorously "I dont know why I expected someone as pure as you to ever love a man, if you can even call me that, like me". He didn't wait for me to respond, instead he walked past me, his feet heavy on the stairs and the slam of his door meaning this conversation was over, it always ended this way, he always hated himself after, but still no matter how much I tried, he would not let me go.

For those of you who are still reading, thank you! Do let me know what you think so far!