~Still Worth Fighting For~ #wattys2018

Drown

~Matt~

I originally planned to talk to Ridley after school today, to see if she were okay. But when I went to look for her, she was gone already. Jade told me she was pissed off when she talked to her last, which I guess was only a few minutes before.

I know it's probably nothing, but that sort of worried me. She's my friend, I'm allowed to worry, right? Of course, friends worry about each other. We worry about each other. That's how it goes.

Whatever, I need to find Melinda... She's gotta still be here.

As I turned around the corner to get to my locker, I found her, talking to Jade. They were both sort of angry, I could definitely tell this. No matter how hard she tries to hide it, I can tell when my girlfriend is upset. 

I hid behind the corner I'd turned on, to listen.

"You really think she hates me?" Melinda whispered, trying to hide the hurt.

Jade's voice lowered. "I don't think that's what's going on. I think she's frustrated because Matt has no time for her. You know she's sorta selfish."

That really angered me. I was angered already because Melinda was upset. But that made things ten times worse, knowing she and Jade, who's Ridley's cousin, were talking shit on my best friend. I wanted to say something, but I didn't. 

"She doesn't seem that way..." Melinda sounded a little dumbfounded. "I mean, I know I don't know her all that well, but she's my boyfriend's best friend, even if I don't like her, I've gotta be nice to her." 

My hands were shaking. I wanted to text Ridley and tell her what was going on, being her friend, but at the same time, I didn't want to, being her friend; I don't want to hurt her. It's almost a contradicting situation. 

"I know she's my cousin and all, but I don't like this. She's pushing me, Matt, and everyone else out. And she's not even giving any valid reason. She's blowing up in everyone's faces now. I swear I thought she was going to kill Destiny the other day. I know she hates her, but she's never snapped so hard." Jade shook her head.

That's when I stepped in.        

"You know, that's shitty of you to talk about your cousin like that."

Jade's green eyes narrowed and her heartshaped birthmark between them reddened. She was either a) embarrassed, b) angry, or c) both. I probably should have stepped out as soon as I saw that, but this is the kind of thing that you don't just let go. "You weren't in this."

"Yeah, well, I don't care," I growled. "And I don't really appreciate you talking about my best friend. And Melinda, I'm ashamed of you."

Melinda looked saddened. "I just don't want you to go to her and leave me."

I scoffed. "Why get so jealous?"

I heard footsteps behind me, and when I turned, it was her. Ridley. Her hair was wet, curly and in her face from the rain. "What's going on, I came back to get my english book, and there was a bunch of drama..."

I shook my head. "It's nothing. Just some stupid shit." I glared at Jade, who glared right back through her blue framed glasses. "Anyway, I gotta go, I have to work tonight." I kissed Melinda's forehead, turning to walk out.

        *********

~Ridley~

I was the one to glare at Jade now. "What the hell?"

She shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. "It's nothing."

I knew better than to believe her, and I was infuriated. I wanted to hurt her, to scream at her, but I tried to stay calm instead. "Something happened, or Matt wouldn't have gotten angry when he walked away. So what's going on?"

 Melinda bit her lip. "We were just um, talking. I was afraid that Matt liked you, but it's obvious now that he doesn't, so I feel really bad."

She doesn't even know me, how does she think she can talk about me? And besides, I'm no idiot, I know Matt would never see me in that way. 

Jade avoided eye contact when I raised a brow at her. Yep, nervous. Probably cause she knew I would hit her if she lied to me. I'm normally not a violent person, but in situations like this, I don't hesitate. It angered me to know she was talking trash about me; I thought I could trust her. 

Even though for a while, I told myself I couldn't trust anyone. 

I cursed under my breath, walking away. I don't need any bullshit, I told myself I'd have a good day, and I meant that, even if I'd go through hell getting to it. 

        *********

When I got home, I didn't make it known, since it wouldn't make a difference if I were there or not. My stepdad's probably asleep, drunk off of his ass, and wouldn't even know if I were there or not, so I figured I wouldn't say anything. I just headed towards the kitchen, pulling a mountain dew from the fridge. Katie was at the table, doing her science homework. She looked up, forcing a smile. I knew she didn't mean it, but still didn't say anything about it. "Hey, Ridley, you're good at science, right?" 

I nodded, cracking open my can and letting it fizz before taking a sip. "Yeah, whatcha need help with?" 

She slid the book and paper across the table, where I sat. Simple stuff. I explained what she needed to do, though, to be nice. She thanked me and I went downstairs to my room. 

I turned on my radio, listening to the first album of Three Days Grace's, nodding my head to the beat and pulling out a notebook to write a poem. No rhyme scheme, just a bunch of big words that I barely even used. It was sort of pointless, but my mind was all over the place after everything that transpired today. 

Good morning day, sorry I'm not there. But All my favorite friends vanished in the air. It's hard to fly when you can't even run. Once I had the world, but now I've got no one.

I smiled. It was my favorite song off of the album, Drown. I wanted to sing along, but today I didn't, which was almost weird.

My favorite part, the chorus, replayed, and that's when I said screw it and actually sang along.

If I needed someone to control me, if I needed someone to hold me down, I would change my direction and save myself before I, if I needed someone to control me, if I needed someone to push me around, I would change my direction, and save myself before I drown... Drown...

 I sighed, though, thinking. I feel like the only reason I can honestly relate to this song is because of Matt. Because I basically lost him, and all of my friends, like the beginning of the song says. Adam Gontier, the vocalist, really had words I could relate to, and maybe that's why I liked his band so much. 

I shut my radio off, trying far too hard not to cry. 

It's my fault. Everything's my fault. I screwed up Matt and Melinda's relationship, I'm the reason she's so overprotective. If it weren't for me, they'd be drowning themselves in happiness.

Before I realized what I was doing, I felt a sting of pain and the warm wetness of blood. My wrists were hurting, but it was as if they were screaming for me to keep cutting, keep bleeding and never stop. 

Do it, Ridley, this is what you're meant to do, you're a cutter. You ruined everyone else's lives, and you deserve to drown in your misery, in your blood. You deserve to die. Suicide is the answer, the escape from all of your problems. Just give up and kill yourself already. No one would miss you.

Blood was staining my jeans and my sheets when I finally stopped and the voice went away. I really need to just stop this.

But then again, if I don't find a reason to, I really can't, can I?