Brown Flowers- Hamilton Oneshot

(A) No One Realized.- (no ship)

Lafayette's POV:

Where the fuck do I start?
I don't want to die,
But I don't want to live.

I don't know how to say 'help me',
But I know how to say 'help me'
I can't just say it,
But I can.
You just have to be paying attention.

"I want to die."
There we go,
I said it.
But I didn't say 'it'.
I sugar coated it.

I have to stop doing that.

I still said it, but for the fourth time,
I've been ignored.

But I still asked for help.
Without asking for help.

If I died,
Will you feel stupid?

Will you feel stupid for not
Realizing.

Will you say that you didn't know,
Even know you did know.

You knew, because I told you.
Again,
And again,
And again,
And again.

I told you.

More then once.

You must have realized
Something.

I stopped laughing.
Smiling.
Joking.
Talking.
I stopped functioning.

You must have noticed.

But you didn't.

You didn't know me to realize.

You didn't see me to realize.

You didn't know enough.

You haven't seen me months,
But think back to a few
Months ago.

I wasn't like this.

I was happy.
I didn't have to plaster a smile.
I didn't have to force myself to laugh,
To make you
think
That I was ok.

I didn't have to do anything,
Because I was happy.

I'm not happy anymore.

But I still asked for help.

I went online and called it out.
Then I called you out.
Then I called everyone out,
But you still didn't realize.

Not all of you,
Anyway.

I texted you something serious,
You didn't give two shits about me.
Still don't.

Now you see me less.
Look at me less.
Pretend that I didn't
Ask.
For.
Help.

They tell you at school,
"Ask for help."
What do you do,
When you already did that?

What do you do when they thought 
That it was a joke.

What do you do when you they don't help.
The people you see now.
Almost everyday.
Don't listen.

Now what?

Finally, you've had enough
So you do what you've wanted to
For weeks.

And you say it out loud.

"I tried to slit my wrist."

Once again.

No one realized.