maid in the am

21.

I lie awake almost all night. Just watching and listening, making sure she's breathing. I have no idea how much she drank, but I know that Mel can push people to their limits in a scary easy way. I've been the victim of her unusual talent more times than I care to admit. She looks so sweet while she sleeps, even with the harsh makeup she's applied. I look at the clock and see it's 3 in the morning. I should probably check on Mel too. I'm still on London time, so I'm pretty awake. I carefully roll out of my bed, trying not to disturb Rose. I successfully slink out from under my blanket, and luckily my bed is large enough so it doesn't move her at all. I quietly tiptoe across my massive room, and open my door. I go in to Rose's room to check on Mel. She's passed out on the bed sideways, and has apparently taken it upon herself to steal Rose's clothing. I see that she's still in fact alive, then run in to the kitchen to grab some water to leave for Rose. I am milling about in the pantry looking for a snack when something catches my eye. It's a silver bag of coffee, with sharpie written up the side. I read the note, and immediately regret it. I'm engulfed with a fury out of no where. I throw the bag across the pantry, and it splits open upon impact with the wall. The bold aroma of coffee fills the small space, and I stand there looking at the mess I've created. The thought of cleaning up my mess at this moment repulses me almost as much as thinking about some other dude trying something with my Rosie. I leave my disaster to get back to her side, realizing that I've been away for quite some time now. I grab the water I got for her and make my way back down to my room. When I open the door I see that she's still laying there peacefully, and I make my way back over to my side. I crawl into the bed and sit there watching her once again. I still can't believe how jealous I am. I hate when other men talk to her, hell even look at her. It brings out the worst aggression from me. I just can't help it, something inside of me snaps every single time. I almost fought the guy at the club, and I didn't even know him. Hell I barely even know Rose! I have to get to know her better, but there's no way for me to do that now. I realize that she probably would have taken her makeup off, and I debate whether or not to remove it. I know I have some remover wipes in my suitcase, I stole them from the plane. It's something I always do, Louis taught me to do that. He used to steal random things while we were on tour, and I kind of picked that up on a much smaller scale. I go into my closet and grab it, then crawl back into my bed. I gently pull Rose's body closer to me, and start to wipe off the makeup from her face. I realize she's wearing fake eyelashes off and gently tug at them until they are free. I set them on her nightstand, and continue scrubbing all the products from her face. I know what I'm doing because of the years I had to remove tour makeup. She had really made herself look beautiful tonight. She knows exactly how to complement her features, without looking too overdone. Once I get her face mostly clean I realize I need to moisturize her face as well. I get up and grab one of the various products that's been given to me over the years. I gently rub it on her face and then admire my work. She looks just as beautiful without makeup, and I hope she'll appreciate me taking it off for her. I decide to undo her ponytail as well, because it looks like it's pulling on her head. Suddenly, her eyes flutter open. I am startled by her sudden awakening, but it doesn't last long. She simply looks up at me and gives a little smile, and then snuggles into my leg while she falls back asleep. I continue running my fingers through her silky hair, calming myself down. For some reason I felt like she was going to yell at me, but then again I am kind of violating her privacy. I am just trying to take care of her though. I have a feeling that she's been taking care of herself for far too long, and that she's not very willing to accept help. I just want to make her happy, I want to make her smile and be carefree. She is so guarded, so closed off from the world I just want to crack her exterior and find out what's made her into the person that she is. I also want to make sure no one else can have her. The only thing is, she definitely will never feel the same way. It can never happen. I'm her boss, there's too much of a liability, god my life has gotten so complicated. I wish I could just escape from the world and whisk her away. I can't though, I would be miserable. I love the fame, I love to sing, and I love to perform in front of millions. I would never be happy doing nothing, but I have to give up some aspects of my freedom to maintain my lifestyle. Rose and I can never happen, it just wasn't meant to be. I wish I could convince myself of this more, but it's really difficult when her head is resting on my thigh while I stroke her hair. If I could stay in this moment I would. It's almost as perfect as the moment I almost slipped up and kissed her in this very bed. I should've just done it. Maybe I would be over this stupid crush then. I convince myself that this is all that this is, a little crush. I'm only interested because I know I can't have her, that's what it is. I'm not very convinced, but as I lie to myself, I drift to sleep with my hand tangled in her hair and her body warm against mine.