Mask of Celibacy: A Multimedia Novella

E ¦ Bittersweet

A couple of hours of dancing left me breathless and tired. So when Eric took his leave for a break, I went out onto the balcony overlooking the pond for some fresh air. 

To my surprise, one of my classmates was already there. 

Jack the Jock. 

Without Nicky. 

Gazing into the starry sky with a wistful expression. 

I turned to leave, but Jack called out after me. "Stay. I could use the company."

Pursing my lips, I gripped the railing and looked over the edge. Several floors down, it sufficed to give me a healthy dose of vertigo. 

I couldn't imagine what the hell he would want with me. A part of me was mildly concerned that Jack would push me off the edge for breaking up with Bryan. But that wouldn't make sense...

"You kept your bargain," I said. "Thank you."

"I'm a man of my word," he replied, still staring at the heavens. A shooting star passed overhead. 

"I meant to ask--"

"Why did I make it so easy for you?"

"Not that I'm ungrateful," I said. "But I expected you to throw me into the vending machines."

Jack gave a dark chuckle. "It takes a lot of work to keep up a mirage, doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"For a long time, you dated Bryan," he said, gripping the railing. "Knowing something was wrong, but not being able to put your finger on it. Am I right?"

"Yes," I breathed. "But how--?"

"I didn't want to keep you from your dream," he said. "Not after you had the balls to tell me the truth." He scoffed. "Everyone thinks I'm the tough one. I've worked hard to make them think so."

"You're not?"

Jack turned to face me. "Not as strong as you."

And then it hit me. Like a sudden burst of inspiration, I understood. Jack let me go because I did the one thing he couldn't. 

Admit my asexuality.

"You mean you're--"

"I didn't question your sexuality," he said, gazing once again at the stars. "Please give me the same courtesy."

Ohh? Oh...! Ah...!

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. "I didn't mean to pry."

"Don't be. I'm just jealous of you. So very jealous." Jack gripped the railing until his knuckles turned white. "But it gave me a kind of vicarious joy. Making things easy for you."

Even if he couldn't do it for himself...

"I should be happy," he said. "I have a full football scholarship to a prestigious school. I have the dream girl on my arm." He scoffed. "The queen bee. They tell me I should be happy. But..."

"So you understand?"

"More than you know." He sighed. "I was so fucking pissed. Angry because you could have a man and made it so damn difficult for yourself. And you hurt my best friend. But now I get it."

"Why don't you tell him the truth?" I asked in a whisper. "Whoever he is...he might feel the same way."

"He wouldn't."

"But how do you know for sure?"

"I just do," he insisted. "It's fine. I'm fine." He pushed himself away from the railing of the balcony. "I'll get over it. It's no biggie." He sighed. "Catholic school sucks, doesn't it?"