A New Life | BTS

(#24) Forced

[ Stacy POV ]

As we arrived at the clothing section, I saw a few t-shirts and sweatpants that seemed my size and picked them out. Picking them out, I could somehow hear the maknae-line whispering and mumbling to each other which kind of made me suspicious. Now its either that the three of them were just really bad at whispering or that I had some type of hearing powers. But as a good person I stuck to my own situation and continued picking out what I needed. 

As I got done, I started to head where the underwears and socks were. As I thought of getting the things that I also needed, I shuddered. 

Ugh, making and having Jungkook buy me new underwear? Along with bras and other shit...

 I grimaced as I silently apologized to Kookie in my head. 

"Welp, I'm pretty sure I've gotten everything I needed." I huffed, already exhausted from all the walking around. I prayed for my friend to still be alive. 

_______

[ Alicia POV ]

My stomach started to rumble as I frowned. 

"You hungry?" I heard Hoseok ask me as I sheepishly nodded, embarrassed.  "Hyung, maybe we should take a break and get something to eat," Hoseok suggested as Jin nodded. 

"Yeah, there should be a food court around here," Namjoon said as I gave Yoongi a slight glance. 

His head was still hanging low, with his hands in his pockets and his face buried into his hoodie. My frown deepened the more I studied him. I sighed as Jin heard. 

I then felt a hand on my arm as he gently pulled me next to him, but I didn't seem to mind. I was just too busy thinking of Yoongi and his "eating issues". 

"Alicia, we'll get Yoongi to eat, don't worry," Jin whispered to me as I nodded feeling a little convinced. 

But at the same time, I wasn't so sure that Yoongi was up to the task...

*Time skip*

As the five of us made it to the food court, Jin had ordered us Japenese food as we sat down at an emptied table. 

I was sitting next to Hoseok as for Namjoon and Yoongi who was sitting across from us. There was an empty space next Namjoon so I assumed that Jin was gonna sit there. 

A few moments later Jin came back with a huge tray of food. My stomach started to growl more as we all started to digest all of it. 

It's been about 5 minutes and I've already finished, so I waited for the others. I then glanced one more time at Yoongi. And my eyes flashed with hurt as I witnessed his plate. His little bit of noodles and fried rice were untouched. Not even one bite of the food or even a fork or spoon full as I then stared at Jin as he got the message and spoke up. 

"Yoongi, you need to eat, I didn't give you much so please finish what's on that plate," Jin spoke sternly but gently as we all waited for his reaction. But he just seemed so unexplainable and just out of it that I started to get more worried. But then something caught my eye.

As I was studying his face I swore to god that I had just witnessed a crystal-like tear running down his cheek. He then all of a sudden stood up and excused himself to the bathroom with a shaky voice. 

Right when Yoongi left, I looked at the others confused. "What was that all about?" I asked the three of them as they all looked just as confused as me. "I-I have no idea." Jin stuttered as misery revealed on his face. 

"C-Can I be excused too?" I asked nervously, for the reaction of the others.

But to my surprise, they just nodded as I awkwardly bowed to them before turning to go to the "bathroom".

But I mean I wasn't exactly lying though. I was actually going to the restroom. Just...not the ones for women. 

Yeah, don't ask. 

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[ Yoongi POV ]

I started to shudder as I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I had taken off my hoodie and my mask pulled down to my chin as I let the tears flow. I wanted to scream, punch the walls, blame everything on my family and my bandmates but I didn't. 

And that's because I blamed every single little thing on myself. 

I hated my look, my clothes, my hair, my habits, I hated my traits and voice.  And most of all...

I hated myself.

And there was absolutely no one that could help me change the way I felt. All that I could see every time, I looked into a mirror, a piece of glass, clear water, or just anything that could show and have me witness my own reflection... 

All that I could see was a dirty and pathetic wimp. Just a part of BTS only out of pity. 

"They don't love you." I seethed as my hands clung to my hair as I slid down the bathroom wall slowly. 

"Your just a fucking piece of skeletons and bones. Too skinny but, too fat." 

I chuckled darkly as I listened to my own words that came out of my mouth. I was blinded by my own anger, by my own fear. I couldn't see anything but white as I looked down at my pale arms and wrists that showed my veins, ready to pop out at any time. The cuts were still there just barely visible since the others stopped me from doing it. 

They all took away every sharp thing in my room and in the kitchen, hiding it in a secret location, that only I couldn't figure out. I remembered cursing them out once I found out that I couldn't hurt myself anymore. But I had figured out to  just let it go after a few weeks of noneating disorders and sleeping pills.

Yes, I took sleeping pills. Once I'm awake, I'll never have a feeling of wanting to take a nap unless I'm exhausted from practicing all day. Usually, I would stay up until 5 am in the morning, and that's when I would have to take the pills. Then the next thing I know is, I'm getting rolled out of bed by one of the maknaes. 

Mostly by Taehyung. 

I then sighed at the mention of the second youngest. 

He says he cares about me, but I knew, that he was lying. That they were all lying. And I'm pretty sure that the rest of Bighit and the fans knew that too. 

I then came back to reality after hearing the bathroom door bust wide open and then closing afterward. My eyes then widen in surprise as I saw one of the girls known as...Alicia I think? 

"W-What are you doing in here? Don't you ever read the signs before coming into a place where guys do their shit?!" I scoffed as she sighed. 

"I know I'm in a men's bathroom," She fumbled as I continued to glare at her. "But I just wanted to check if you were okay-" 

I just snorted as I rolled my eyes. 

"I don't need anyone checking up on me. Especially a random teenaged girl who has no business being involved in our lives," I growled as she just stared at the ground. 

"A-Actually I-I'm one of your biggest fans." She mumbled. "I'm an ARMY and as your fan, aren't I supposed to worry about you in the first place?" She questioned as I felt like one-hundred blades were slashing through my chest. 

"C-Can you just leave?" I murmured, as she looked up. We met eye-contact for a good five seconds before I looked back down.  

"Now."  

My tone rose as I took a deep breath trying to control my anger. 

I just hated being forced into something I couldn't do. 

Right after she opened her mouth, she then closed it having nothing to say and giving up along with walking herself out the door. I felt the tears burning in my eyes as I let the tears fall into my lap, with my back against the wall and my head buried into my knees...

--- As I then let the negative and suicidal thoughts cloud my mind.