Courrier
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Shawns point of view
Back home. Lying in my own bed- It just didn't feel the same anymore.
Nathalie moved back into the guest bedroom. I offered to move but she told me that she just can't stand being in this room.
We haven't talked. At all. For a week now. I can see her shadow under the door. Everytime I leave the bedroom, she waits for me to get back inside before she leaves the guest room, careful not to let me see her.
It was like we became strangers.
When we went out of the hospital she wouldn't let me touch her. Not even her arm. Everytime she flinched away from me reaching out to her my stomach twisted with discomfort.
I knew she was suffering. It was her body that Skylar died in, so I swallowed it down and did whatever she wanted me to do. However much it might hurt me.
Nathalie point of view
I knew I needed to face him. But every time I even thought about Shawn, I broke down crying. I knew it was wrong. Everything that I did nowadays was wrong.
I listened on the door how he walked down the hallway and down the stairs, like so often in the last week.
But I told myself- like so often- that this time I'm just going it open this door and face him.
Before I could make this decision, I heard his footsteps approaching again. But instead of going into his own room, he knocked on mine. I stayed really quiet, my breath getting quicker.
"I know you're standing right there Nats. Please don't shut me out. Not again. We've been through this. I can't do it again."
I stayed quiet, not moving a muscle. Listening.
After a while of silence I heard him take some steps back and a low thump.
Then he said, with so much pain in his voice it felt my heart would burst: "Do you really think it's hard for me too, that I'm not suffering too. I lost my child Nathalie. Not just you, I lost him too. My first. I really wanted my first to be with you. But you keep pushing me away. Am I not enough for you? To make you feel better?"
I slowly opened the door and stepped out in the hallway. There he sat, on the floor, hugging his knees close to his chest. As he looked up to me I saw his face, shock written all over it.
And I knew why.
From not eating anything proper for 8 days straight I lost about 30 pounds quickly. My cheeks were fallen in, my legs were thinner, my skin was pale and my hair was dry and greasy.
I looked like I was dead, and on the inside I sure was.
But he was too.His face was stained with streaks of tears, he had red spots on his cheeks and eyes from crying and his usually so bright and alive eyes were dull and dead.
I let myself fall down to the floor next to him, wrapping my arms around his body and pulled him towards me, so that his head rested on my chest. I gently stroke his hair, when I whispered in his ear.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I was so selfish. Can you forgive me?"
He just nodded, pulled me on his lap and hugged me tight, putting his arms around my waist.
"We can get through this. Together. Only together. "
He nodded again: "I love you." he softly mumbled and I kissed his hair.
"I know, Shawnie. I know"
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That was a short chapter. I hope you liked it anyway. I'm 3 days into my maths refresh course in college. It sucks. But there are cool people.
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