1. The Reason Why He Exists

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Julian del Pilar returned to Bulacan while his younger brother, Goyo, was assigned to be the commanding officer of the President's rearguard. As Christmas approached, Julian anticipated the return of his brother.

* * *

Julian knew that it was wrong of him to agree being separated from his younger brother. The very reason that he originally joined the revolution was because he was told by their mother to be Goyo's anchor to the world, and never let him battle everything on his own. But when he was given the order to return to Bulacan, and gladly accepted it, he knew that it will be his undoing.

"Kuya, uuwi ka na ng Bulacan," Goyo asked—told—him before they separate ways.

He surrounded an arm on his shoulders and laughed. "Uuwi ka naman ng Bulacan sa pasko, hindi ba?"

Goyo sighed heavily as if the heaviness of the duty placed on him weighs too much for him to carry. He looked wistfully at the sight of the square at Dagupan. "Iba ang maunang umuwi na kesa sa pasko pa. Nangungulila na ako."

"Dalawang buwan na lang naman, pasko na," he assured. "Ganito. Sisiguraduhin ko na pagbalik mo ng Bulacan, kumpleto kami para salubungin ka. Sabihan ko na din ang mga Enriquez. Sigurado na sasama sila sapagkat magiging kasama mo sila Vicente at Jose pauwing Bulacan."

"Nakakapagod na, Kuya," remarked the younger del Pilar.

He bit his lower lip, looking at Goyo as if to understand what he truly meant by those words. In the end, he sighed and shuffled the latter's always groomed hair. "Magkita tayo sa pasko. Umuwi ka, ha, Goyong?"

"Kuya..." Goyo looked up to watch him.

Julian smiled before kissing his younger brother on the forehead and clapped him by his shoulder. With that assurance, he started his journey back to Bulacan.

But on his way to Bulacan, he heard the news that Señor Presidente had chosen Goyo to lead the rearguard for their retreat out of Dagupan because of the pursuing Americans. The last thing he had known was that the Brigada Pilar was heading north to meet with General Tinio.

There were no other way for Julian and his family to find out the happenings at the whereabouts of Goyo and his brigade; one that even made the Enriquez family fumble in the dark for the status of their two youngest sons.

He had thought of asking a soldier to keep giving him tabs; but for a group that is always on the run, sending a soldier will be like asking the poor man to chase the footprints.

When December finally came, he felt the shiver deep on his bones. He felt that something wrong had happened. He disregarded it every now and then that it was nothing, and it was all due to the Christmas breeze.

Since the start of the misa de gallo, he had been anxiously waiting outside their house late at night to see his dashing younger brother return from the warfront. But no general on his great white stallion brimming with pride and the best of his appearance—no younger brother of his—arrived.

Then, at Christmas Eve, still waiting outside their home, he saw two familiar figures, looking like they've battled through hell, had been staggering on their walk as they kept hold of the reins of their own horses.

The Enriquez brothers stopped, seeing Julian standing from his seat with words that were too hard to speak out.

"Si Goyong?" Julian managed to inquire, shaken despite knowing the conclusion already with the mere presence of the two—with those dead-look on their eyes and the smear marks of a bloody fight on their dirty uniforms.

Vicente's face hardened, unable to look Julian on the eyes. His silence was much more of a deafening scream of the truth that couldn't be said.

Julian immediately rushed to him, almost stumbling to reach him. In response, Vicente caught him, embracing him as he let his younger brother, Jose, took the reins of his horse, and letting Julian cry on his shoulders—almost howling.

At that moment alone, the rest of the del Pilar had seen the commotion upon hearing Julian crying; and they gasped with realization of the worst.

Julian knew that it was wrong of him to agree being separated from his younger brother. Because, at the moment where his brother needed him the most, he wasn't there to protect or even remind him of his strength. And now... what?

He just lost the very reason why he exists.

* * *

A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)

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