Sold and Saved

What The Moon Witnessed

I stumbled back to the living room in a daze. Gerard had kissed me. He had kissed me,and then kicked me out of the room. I must have looked like a zombie the way I was stumbling through the living room. I finally got to the couch and  sat down heavily. My head was still reeling a little from it all. 

"Kay? Are you feeling okay?" Frank asked,walking over to the couch. I didn't know where he came from and I didn't know how long he had been standing there. 

"M'fine, Frank." I mumbled,staring down at my lap. He sighed,sitting down next to me. 

"Kaley, if there's anything you want to talk about. Im here." he said,patting on my leg. 

"I gotta go." I said,starting to feel like I was suffocating. I stood up quickly and ran to the stairs,ignoring Frank's calls. 

When I finally got to my room, I just stood against my door,sighing heavily. I was very confused. Gerard had kissed me,but he had acted like it was almost painful for him. And there was so much I wanted to talk to him about,but I didn't want to interrupt him. I figured that he would come to me when he wanted to talk. I just had to give him some space. 

I moved away from the door,walking over to my wardrobe to grab some comfortable clothes. Once I was changed I was stumbled over to my bed, laying down and wrapping myself in the soft blankets. I stared out the open window across from the bed. I could see the moon perfectly from here. It was huge and full,shining brightly on the house. A cool breeze blew in,rustling the curtains that were hanging on either side of the window. 

I shivered,pulling the blankets around me tighter. Even though I was cold, I refused to close the window. The cool wind was keeping me calm,blowing gently across the room. In a matter of minutes,my eyelids were becoming so heavy that I could barely keep them open. I sighed, finally giving in to the oncoming sleep. 

I woke with a start,sitting up in the bed quickly. Even though the window was still open,there was a thin layer of sweat coating my forehead. I panted,trying to catch my breath. I had been having another nightmare. It was the same one that I had been having. They were always about Mr.Way. I sighed,running a hand through my hair as the other started playing with the thick leather collar at my throat. 

"Are you okay?" 

I jumped,nearly falling out of the bed. Gerard was laying beside me,looking concerned. 

"What the hell are you doing in here?!" I nearly shrieked. He blushed lightly,staring down at the bed.

" I was...Uh..."

"Yeah?" I probed,getting comfortable under the covers again. 

"I was watching you sleep." he said, quietly. I just stared at him,silent. 

"Watching me sleep?" I finally asked,turning on my side so I could face him. He nodded,looking slightly ashamed.

"I just..I wanted to come see you so we could talk,but you were sleeping and I just..You looked so peaceful. I just couldn't help but stay." he finished,blushing again. AWWWWW, I screamed in my head. 

"It's okay,Gee. I'm not mad at you." I said,seeing some of the noticable worry disappear from his face as I spoke the words. "We do need to talk though." I said, playing with a loose string on the sheet between us. He nodded,still not meeting my gaze, and sighed.

"Look..Kaley, what happened..shouldn't have happened. I was just really,  I don't know.. high strung." He murmured. I just stared back,feeling that familiar tight feeling in my chest. 

"Gerard...Look. You can't tell me that the only reason you kissed me was because you were worked up." I said,starting to feel angry. He just stared at the bed. 

"Kaley, for the most part, it was." he said,sadly. 

"So you have no feelings for me at all?" I asked,starting to feel sick. He sighed heavily,running a hand through his black hair. 

"It's very complicated." he said,his brow furrowed. 

"Well, I have the time,so tell me." I said, propping my head up with my hand. He sighed again.

"Well, Kay," He started,using my nickname for the first time. "I do like you.. It's just that, I'm so much older than you are-"

"It's only 11 years." I heard myself interject before I could stop myself. He looked at me,the whites of his eyes being made even brighter by the moonlight. 

"ONLY 11 years. That's over a decade of time separating us. Kaley, I feel that if we made something of this.. I would be taking something from you. You're a teenager. You're not supposed to be thinking about relationships,even though most do, you're supposed to be living your life." he nearly whispered.

"Gerard, I'm a slave. I have no life." I said,darkly. 

"But you do now!" he said,getting louder."I brought you here so you could live! You and Frank both." 

"How am I not supposed to think about relationships when you're holding my hand, and kissing me and WINKING at me for God's sake?!" I shouted,getting up from the bed to stand in front of the window. He sighed,getting up and walking over to stand a few feet in front of me. 

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I won't be doing any of those things anymore. It would never work out. The age difference is too big and I just wouldn't feel right about it. I would feel like I was taking advantage of you or something." he said,quietly,shifting his weight from foot to foot. I sighed,feeling the beginnings of tears prick my eyes. 

"Fine. But before we end this completely, I want something." I said,voice low as I stared at the floor. He was quiet a moment.

"What do you want?" he asked,carefully. 

I walked over to him slowly,never looking up at his face. 

"One. Last. Kiss." I said,slowly,finally meeting his gaze. His expression changed from wary to pained in 2 seconds flat. 

"Kaley.." he nearly groaned. 

"Gerard. Please." I nearly whispered. He sighed,staring down at me as I stared at his shoes. He was silent and motionless for a while and then I felt cool fingers under my chin,urging me to look at him. I obeyed,staring into his eyes. He slowly drew his face closer to mine,keeping his eyes open the entire time. I just stared back,not knowing quite what to do. 

His lips finally met mine and he groaned quietly,wrapping his arms around my waist carefully.  I sighed in contentment,reaching behind him to grab onto his shoulders. I was trying to hold back, I didn't want to make him upset or anything. So I was genuinely surprised when he deepened the kiss,pulling me tight against him. His tongue traced my bottom lip and I shivered. I knotted my hands in his hair,trying to pull him as close as I could. Like we could never be close enough. 

He nipped at my lip with his tiny teeth and I groaned. He pulled away,panting,his eyes looking shiny. We just stared at each other for a minute,trying to catch our breath. He sighed,pulling me to him in a hug. A tear rolled down my cheek as I gripped onto him tightly. He pulled back just enough to place his forehead against mine. 

"I hope..that I gave you what you wanted.." he murmured. I sighed,nodding as best I could as the tears started falling freely. He made a quiet whimpering sound and pulled away,kissing my forehead quickly before he left the room quickly,slamming the door. 

I sobbed,falling back onto the bed as I pulled the covers around me. The world felt so cold now that Gerard was gone. And I had a feeling that it wasn't going to change anytime soon.