Wonderland(Alice Cullen)

Talk With Alice/How Bad?

   When Alice got back, I was sitting on my bed, staring at the floor...She knocked once before coming in, and she asked,"Can I sit?" I shrugged, and she sat down next to me, and I trembled, pretending it didn't kill me to have her so close...She said,"Charlie is letting me spend the night here..." I said,"Nice..." She sighed, and said,"Rowan...Talk to me..." I snapped,"What do you want to know?!" She flinched, and said,"What happened.." I said,"What happened is that I was alone on my birthday, minding my own business, when my heart stopped beating, I stopped sleeping, I couldn't cry tears anymore, and I got these..." I showed her my fangs, and her eyes widened..."And...Your arm?" I said,"My fangs are pretty much the only thing left to help me bleed now...So I used them..." She went to touch me, and I shrank back...She said,"There are no words...None...To make any of this right..." I looked away, and she continued,"I'm not asking for forgiveness, Rowan...Because what I did is unforgivable...I just want a chance to explain..." I stood, and said,"Not right now...Maybe...Maybe later...But not now..."

    I went downstairs, and she followed, and I told Bella,"I'll be back in a bit..." She nodded, and I went out the door, and knew I had to get some blood...I hadn't fed, and it was getting bad...But I had ignored it until now...I closed my eyes, and wished Elementals didn't have to drink human blood and could live like the Cullens...I snuck into the hospital, and grabbed some bagged blood, and tore into it, not caring that it was cold...Matched my feelings perfectly...When I got back to the house, I heard Alice asking Charlie about how bad it was when she and the others left...As he talked about Bella, I flinched, but when he got to me, I listened...He said,"I know she doesn't think I notice...And I know I've never really shown her I care, but that girl is worse off than Bella...She doesn't scream or cry where we can see...She's just so quiet and cold all the time...It scares me...She stopped eating and drinking, dropped out of school, didn't go anywhere hardly, and barely spoke a word, except to Bella...She's been trying to help Bella, even while she's breaking..." Alice sighed, and minutes later, joined me on the front porch in the rain...

    She just sat there for a while, and I finally said,"I heard Charlie telling you...About how bad it was and is...He has no idea...There are no words to describe it..." She said,"I know...And I'm so so sorry, Rowan...I thought I was protecting you...That I was doing the right thing...But I was wrong...I'm the one that hurt you, instead of keeping you safe...You died all alone...And I will never forgive myself for that..." I shook, trying to hold myself together, but I finally let go, and cried, her arms wrapping around me, and we just sat like that for a long time, the rain pouring down on us like the tears of an angel...