Diary

Yoongi's past

I never loved life nor did I hate it I was just numb to it. My mother was always busy and never showed me she cared and my father well he left right after I was born. He got my mom pregnant and wanted her to do abortion but she decided against it. My mom was scared of raising me alone but thought just maybe after I was born he'd stayed but no. He never cared, he only wanted to be pleasure and that's it. He would go to strip clubs and have fun with girls and come home completely drunk which scared her. He once pushed her to the ground but luckily it wasn't serious cuz she it had only been 3 weeks in. It was like that almost every night but mom started to live with granny and she was safe there. Granny knew very well what he had done to her but focused on talking care of her soon to be grandchild. She was the one that gave you this name, Min Yoon Gi. Granny was home and told mom that they should get a check up. Once they arrived inside, her water broke and she was rushed to get ready to deliver. Granny got so happy when she found out it was a boy and decided to name it but asked your mom first. She couldn't have been happier with the name. But she was scared, would she be able to help you grow up? Would everything be ok? Was she ready? She didn't give up.

After a month or so being home she decided to look for a job. She found one at a school where she would teach music, it was something she loved and hoped you would too. It took her 1 year to find a job cuz no one wanted a woman that has a child but the father left. She would bring you to school sometimes just so the little kids would play with you and like that she could take care of you too. The kids were always excited to come to class and see your baby. They loved how sweet you were and thought how luckily Yoongi was when he'd be older. You got older and started school where your mom taught at. It was never a problem for you till you started getting bullying. You knew you had no father but never really cared cuz you had granny and mom. But the bullies would beat him and say how pathetic he was and couldn't fight back. He would be shoved on the floor and kicked on the stomach but there's was never anyone there to help him. You always covered your face cuz if you mom saw a mark on it she would kill them. The word spread that you had no father instead of sympathy you would get dirty looks. Even some teachers would look at you has if you were sin, you never understand why you were being punished for something your father did. You wanted to have friends but nobody would come near you. You got older, more quiet, bullying never stopped, you got self conscious, anxiety, depression, It all happened and it was your fathers mistake. Even if you were only 10 years old your body was in the worst shape possible. You were really thin and never ate anything and you still were alone. You wanted to shoot 10 shots in your brain and end it all or just drown in your tears. But you started to take out your anger on your mother. You started to hate her for not just killing, you didn't want to live like this, you wanted to be happy!!! You started cutting your wrist and would let it bleed and cry alone in the bathroom. Your therapy started because your mom saw you passed out on the floor with an empty bottle of sleeping pills. You were rushed to the hospital and all she could think was what did she do  make you do that. She fucking hated that instead of letting your feelings to her you just decided to kill yourself. You wanted to tell her but always thought there wasn't any point of doing so, you were haunted by your past. You would have nightmares of everything happened and it would always feel like you were actually there. There wasn't a day where you didn't cry yourself to sleep and thought everything would end.

You started therapy. You were forced to go and talk to someone you didn't even know. You were shy and your throat would always become dry when you decided to speak. So you kept silent for the 4 first session and after you wrote to her with notes, which she didn't mind at all and thought he was finally opening up. But she couldn't get him to talk or at least the protected shield he had made for himself. It took him a whole year to start talking to her. She finally got of his shield down and talked to him. He would talk very quietly in the start to the point where you couldn't even hear him. But soon he became a little louder and you could hear him. He was 9th grade when he finally spoke properly to her. He had actually changed school once he started therapy. He was happy he did cuz no one bullied him they just thought he didn't like talking and here he had made some friends. Taehyung, Jungkook, Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok. They all knew what happened to you and they would shower you with love everyday. They wouldn't let anyone say something bad about you not even a fly could come near you. You felt happy you had them has your friends but was it real happiness you didn't know but you ended up faking it if you had to. You were always sleeping in class and your teachers got used to it, they never bothered to wake you up but still gave you homework to do. You somehow always passed your exams and that was cuz you were a genius so they just let you do what you wanted. You started to become the bully but only bullied those who would fight back. Your group was know to be scary, dangerous and were named Bts. You loved seeing people suffer the way you did till you meet Jimin. The day you were bullying a kid to get money he showed up and you couldn't do anything but leave. Once you turned the corner you had ran upstairs but before going up you saw him running after you and you decided to go to the roof. Which luckily he didn't know about, you liked him since the day he came to school. Your heart beat really fast and you hated it. You saw him at your therapy session and couldn't let him tell anyone or else they would know that fearless Suga isn't actually fearless instead he was a wimp....

You saw him on the bus and you decided to sit near him and pretend you didn't know it was him. He dropped his wallet and you were so happy that you knew him name and he knew yours to now. The bus stopped a little further than were he got off and you ran and saw where he was. He was listening to music so he didn't hear you and then you saw where he lived and realized it wasn't far from yours. Maybe 5 blocks always from yours. Your heart was beating so much and you decided to go home before someone saw you looking at you at him from the corner of the rood. What you didn't know is he ran out couple of minutes later.

You got home after taking the bus again. You checked and granny was asleep and then went to your moms room she not there. You thought she was probably out. So you left granny a note saying you'll be back around 4Am it was 1 Am.

You decided to go to the park you went to often when you needed to breath. Before this was where you'd vape and just think. But today you saw someone at your bench and that too crying, you realized it was Jimin cuz of his hair. You heart ache seeing him like that is you decided to go close to him. You gave him a tissu, he cried on your chests and you rubbed circles on his back. He looked up and ended up being hit with tiredness.

You somehow got him on your back and bring him home. Since you still remember where he lived you just waked all the way, while walking he was sleep talking and you decided to see if he'd answer you.
-"Jimin do you have your keys on you"
-"Uh........keys........ pockets" he said tiredly.
You decided to put him down and quickly check his front pocket, and then the back ones. You were blushing madly while checking but you found a key and picked him up again. You slowly entered his house and thought his room was probably upstairs so you slowly went up. You were able to see his room from a far cuz it was written " Knock before coming in Jimin's Kingdom". You found that affordable and quickly laid him down in bed and left before someone woke up. You felt like you committed a crime but brushed it off and quickly got home. It was 4am and you granny was about to wake up. So you decided not to run and just walk home instead. You knew she would be mad but you'd tell her why and she'd let you sleep.

You got home around 4:30 and she scolded you but after hearing why she was shook. She made you food before sleeping, you decided to just eat it and go to sleep.

You were happy you got to be close to him. But you knew he didn't like you back instead he probably hated you. You smiled but it slowly dropped. You hoped he'd forgot everything that happened or either he remembered and told you what happened to him. But who are you to him, why would he tell you anything in fact. You were a bully, a stranger, rude person, he would never talk to you. You feel asleep and wished tomorrow wouldn't come.

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So that's 1750 words I wrote without this little notes. Hope someone comments or votes. I would really love feedback or some motivation. I don't know why I'm even written nobody cares......... let's not give up and continue this(1790)