Habit; Soonhoon

02

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STAGE THREE COMES, as do stages four, five, and however many more stages there are to Jihoon's bullshit structure of how his days should go - but he can't really go about them the way he usually does. He's too caught on something else.

It's not fair, he thinks, that he's spent so much time and energy forcing himself into the habit of following rules so as to distract himself from anything amiss in his life, and now one wrong encounter has managed to undo all of it. It just isn't fair.

"Hey, you alright?"

It's evening, now, and Jihoon's invited Seungcheol over for a gourmet meal of instant ramen and the last bit of Gatorade that's been sitting in his fridge, and the look the boy gives him once he's inside is enough to make Jihoon want to tear his own hair out.

He'd only invited him over for some company, something to ease the jittery feeling that had been following him since he left Joshua's apartment; Seungcheol always did have a way of being comforting at the best of times.

Now, however, all Jihoon sees is a tunnel with a sign that reads LECTURE AHEAD as he nears the opening. Fantastic, really.

"I'm fine," he mumbles, ambling over to his living room and letting himself fall against the couch. Seungcheol situates himself on the cushion beside him, turning his body toward Jihoon's and picking up his bowl like it's nothing, everything's normal, fine, they're just going to watch a movie like they've done a million times before, talk, and call it a night. Jihoon almost hopes.

"Joshua told me what happened."

But then he doesn't.

"Joshua doesn't really know what happened," Jihoon says, defensive.

"He knows you ran into Soonyoung. Something must have happened, and from the way you made it sound, it wasn't good."

Jihoon speaks with his mouth full, "Remind me, please, who gave Joshua the right to go sharing our private messages with anyone who's willing to listen?"

"Not anyone who's willing to listen," Seungcheol corrects, "but just me. He figured I could talk to you about it."

"I know I'm no mastermind, but I don't think you should be revealing your strategy before you've actually gotten anything out of me."

His friend sighs and presses his back further into the cushion, settling his bowl carefully in his lap and looking at Jihoon through a tired, unamused gaze.

"Come on, Ji, what happened?"

He shrugs, "Nothing, honestly. He got a little upset, overreacted because I wouldn't give him the sugar he needed for his tea, and accused me of being heartless, essentially." Jihoon's vaguely aware of the fact that he may be exaggerating or skewing a few things - but that's how it felt, at the time.

"And what did you do?"

"Well, I told him he needs to stop being bitter and get over it. We're over, we've been over, no use dwelling on something that doesn't have a chance of resurfacing."

" ... And you're sure there's really no chance that it'll resurface?"

Jihoon gives his friend a pointed look, one that says, Stupid questions get stupid answers, Seungcheol. Don't ask. Or, he hopes that's what it says. It might just come off as a weary plead to not talk about it anymore.

"So, what movie? I was thinking Spirited Away," he says instead, shoving food into his mouth and turning the TV on by way of avoiding any more interrogation.