Habit; Soonhoon

08

♧

SOONYOUNG'S HEAD SITS heavy in Jihoon's lap, and Jihoon thinks it must be weighed with words; words and dreams, unspoken and unreleased. It's nearly three in the morning, now, but neither one of them wants to sleep and their conversation can only carry them so far. They don't know what to do, at this point.

"How are we going to explain this to the others?" Jihoon finally asks, his voice quiet. He feels Soonyoung shift against him, shrugging.

"We'll tell it like it is."

"They'll never let me live this down."

Soonyoung grins, eyes fluttering as he turns to press his face against Jihoon's sweater; Jihoon's heart rate spikes, and he worries for a moment that Soonyoung might be able to feel the crackers going off in his stomach, lighting every one of his insides on fire. He worries, and then he doesn't, because he thinks he might not really care.

"Good. I hope you don't."

Jihoon's words come out light and far-away as he combs his fingers through Soonyoung's hair, "Don't be mean," and the boy moves again so their eyes can meet.

"I love you," he mumbles, and it's just soft enough to be folded neatly into Jihoon's heart; just warm enough to melt his core. Jihoon can still feel his lips tingling. His gut is clenching against the freefall that is being in love with Kwon Soonyoung.

"I love you too," he says, and it feels like putting a plaster on a cut.

It feels like healing.

—

Jihoon was right when he said his friends would never let him live it down, but he's decided he doesn't mind so long as he can feel Soonyoung's hand in his again. After months of going without it, the contact makes him oddly excited. Like being hopped up on too many cups of hot chocolate; all warm and sweet-like.

They talk about everything, now, even the tiniest things. Even when it seems pointless.

"It's never pointless," Soonyoung tells him. "If it doesn't hurt us, it's not pointless. Hell, even if it does hurt us - I want to hear everything. No more secrets and miscommunication." Jihoon likes that idea a lot.

So they accompany each other when they can. Soonyoung will meet up with Jihoon during his lunch breaks, and he always tries his best to be home before midnight, because he knows Jihoon doesn't like it when he overworks himself; he reminds Jihoon to eat his breakfast and lets him judge whatever new choreography he's come up with - and Jihoon always loves it - and they argue sometimes because the latter works more hours than he should and doesn't like to listen when he knows he wrong, but it's fine, because they're together, and they love each other, and it's going to stay that way.

They can't afford to lose it again. They'll do what they can to hold on.

It's what they've promised each other.

—

"I still can't believe you broke up with him because you tricked yourself into thinking he was cheating."

"Feel free to shut the fuck up at any time, Seungkwan."

Soonyoung giggles against his shoulder. Jihoon feels the warmth all the way to his fingertips.

Oh, promises. He'll keep this one for all the world's worth.