After (the parody)

Chapter 2 - Zucchini and Drama

Chapter 2 - Zucchini and Drama.

Tessa had finally reached her apartment. The right one. Sighing to herself, she opened the door and walked inside. Stepping over the spot where she found her dead drug-addict dad. You could still see the faint outline of spilt red wine on the kitchen bench.

Walking over to the fridge, Tessa placed her keys on the bench and puts the diet coke in the fridge. Tessa let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. The zucchini that she had bought last month was beginning to grow mold. This was not okay. Tessa let out a moan of anger and threw the zucchini against the wall, the rotting vegetable hit the wall and slid down, leaving a brown streak trailing down the wall.

She needed to calm herself down, so she dialled Harry's number into her Nokia. Harry had bought her an iPhone for Christmas but Sulu had thrown it off the balcony whilst playing with it. So it was back to the Nokia.

After three dials, Harry answers.

"Hey babe." Harry breathes.

"Harry. How's the conference?" Tessa asks.

"What conference?" Harry slurs as he stands up from behinds he couch.

"I thought you were at the conference! You're as drunk as Zayn gets." Tessa shouts, hanging up the phone and now glaring at Harry.

"Well, I though that instead of going to the conference, you and I could - you know" he winks "make pancakes."

"Harry you know I only did that once!" Tessa shouts

At that moment there were three knocks on the door. Silence took over.

Tessa walks over to the door, and opens it. It's Christian Vance.

"I believe you forgot something?" He says gesturing to a giggling Sulu.

"Oh yeah." Tessa laughs. "I forgot about her."

Sulu giggled and appeared to have something in her mouth.

"What's in her mouth?" Tessa asks Christian.

"An old dildo, she's teething so she likes the rubbery feel." Christian comments nonchalantly.

"Oh okay." Tessa smiles. "Come on sulu! Let's go home." Tessa says taking Sulu from Christian.

Tessa walks back into her and Harry's apartment, sulu in her arms.

"What the fuck is that?" Harry drunkenly slurs, pointing to sulu.

"It's sulu, Liam's child that he adopted." Tessa says.

"Sulu? Why can't we call her sharquisha?" Harry says.

"Obviously Liam and Sophia weren't going to name her after a viral video, and plus, they say it's for her to remember her true heritage. I think it's nice." Tessa smiles.

"I think it's stupid." Harry mumbles.

"I think you're stupid." Tessa retorts.

"You wanna fuck?" Harry slurs.

"You're disgusting." Tessa says sharply.

"Plus, what the fuck is on the wall over there? Is that vomit? Was zayn here?!" Harry yells.

"It's zucchini. I don't know what came over me." Tessa apologises.

"Well you might want to clean it up, because Sulu is starting to lick it off the wall." Harry says.

"I'll do it tomorrow."

"Fine."