Dodgeball amnesia

Chapter 10

        recap:

We get off the bus, and I head to my locker, grabbing my books. My mind wanders to my amnesia; will I just stay like this, oblivious to the years I lost when I was apparently hit with that dodgeball? My eyes pass over one of the disabled students in the school. She looks at me, as well. 'Why does she look so familiar?' is my only thought before my forehead suddenly explodes in a dull pain.

 ___________

I wince and grab my head; the pain spreads across my forehead. The girl keeps staring at me, and I can't help but think I know her, or knew her. I can't hear clearly anymore, and it's hard to discern the blurbs of skin tone. It doesn't help my headache at all. Then, it's gone; no more blurbs, or voices, or headache.

Snippets of a movie, a video, maybe even a memory cross my mind.I'm swinging beside the girl, except younger, from the hallway. We're best friends, and we're wearing matching shirts. She's talking about her new cellphone, which she got because we're entering middle school soon. Next, I'm running around messing with it. I'm shaken awake before the next scene. Relieved sighs reach my ears.

"We were worried, so worried, Kat," Kyle says. 

"You okay?" Momo asks.

"How's your head?" Spike asks. 

"SHUSH!" the nurse exclaims.

"I'm okay, now, and my head doesn't hurt anymore." I reply, trying to sit up. Kyle pushes me down again. "We were really worried," he says. I give a small reassuring smile. "By the way, what time is it?" I ask. "You missed the first three periods," Spike tells me. "Well, I guess we should head to lunch then," I say, and they let me out of the bed this time. 

The lunch room is the usual chaotic throng of hungry middle schoolers. Spike and Momo weave through the herds beside me. I grab some food, pay, and head to the last three tables. I take a seat by the very girl in the hallway, determined to get some answers.

As she looks at me, I can see in her eyes that she recognises me from some other time. "Judging by your outfit, I'm guessing you forgive yourself?" she says. "To be honest, I don't know what you're talking about. But why do you look so familiar?" I ask. "Lola Richmond," she says. I immediately recognise the name.

"Why did we stop hanging out?" 

"I got hurt, and you... changed."

"Went goth, you mean?"

"Not initially. You wanted to be homeschooled for a year first, and you didn't even look at me. When you came back to school, You made new friends, changed your look, and went goth."

"Why would I do that?"

"....you thought.....it was your fault,"  I hear her mumble, "and it kinda was,"

I don't ask anymore questions after that. It was my fault that my best friend was hurt. I don't even know the story, and yet the guilt kills my appetite. Spike and Momo give me worried looks, but I only know one person that I might be able to trust. Kyle.

Without a word, I take my tray, half full with food back to the lunch counter, and search for Kyle among the other tables. I don't see him. I can feel a headache coming on as I decide to go to class early; lunch was almost over anyway. 

I don't see Kyle for the rest of the day. It's really a shame, as well. I was looking forward to seeing him. My headache is constant throughout the rest of the day. I feel a dull sense of unease, as well, like something will go wrong. Though that's wrong, right? I have a date with Kyle for this evening, so there shouldn't be any problem. right?

* * * * * * * * 

I had ended up telling Spike and Momo about my date with Kyle, claiming I was just nervous, to shake them off me. They didn't look happy. They told me Kyle was a huge player, and I shouldn't go with him tonight. That's not true, though. They didn't see the expression on his face, like a love sick puppy filled with hope, when he asked me. How could they know? 

At home, I quickly finish my homework. I don't want anything to get in my way of this date, which will distract me from all my sudden stress. Maybe he can even make this incredibly annoying headache go away. 

I put on a cream sundress, with a bold purple ribbon in the middle, and match it with a pair of purple heels. I look in the mirror after all this is put together. Absolutely stunning. I scroll through twitter until he arrives, at which point we enter the cab and head to the "somewhere". He doesn't tell me where we're going. ugh.

Before long, we arrive at a bowling alley. He took me to a bowling alley!!!! Squealing, and suddenly full of energy, I take his hand and drag him inside with me. 

The date is amazing. We play 3 games, all of which I win. Did I hear someone say "Bowling Queen"? He gets frustrated every time I get a strike and he can't seem to get a spare. It's cute really. Afterward, we take a taxi to the middle of nowhere, per his request. I don't understand why he wants to be alone with me. I'm just hoping that he isn't trying to go too far. 

When we get out of the taxi, I notice where we are: a field. The excitement drains out of me. "Why are we by an empty field?..." I ask slowly. "Do you trust me?" Has he gone crazy now? I give a look. "Did you hit your head when I wasn't looking?" He chuckles, then my heart does a little flip flop. I seem to really like his laugh. and smile, too. and his hair. and his... STOP IT. I return to reality. He repeats his question. 

"Do you trust me?" 

"Not if it's the crazy talking."

"Do you want to see the crazy?"

"uh....n—" I don't get a full word out before I find myself hanging over his shoulder. "You're crazy,"  I tell his back. I don't get a response. 

Next thing, a picnic blanket greets my eyes. Kyle finally puts me down on the blanket and sits down directly behind me. I watch silently as he hugs me closer, my back against his chest, which is very solid, I notice. He catches my look for a second. "Oh, look, it's starting." I gasp at the sight in front of me, a sunset: blending reds and oranges, yellows waving among the colors as the sun sinks lower and lower in the sky. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I turn around and answer. "Yes, a thousand times yes." I don't think I could have a bigger smile on my face, which he follows a second later by his lips touching mine. It's the best kiss I've ever had, and the first one... I think... No, its not. 

Just one scene flashes before my eyes, a memory:

It felt dark. I couldn't smile, at least not a real smile, and I couldn't move from where I was, either. My hands were held onto the wall behind me by larger hands' force. I refused to look him in the eye, so I was staring at the basketball shoes he wore. "You can't run from me, I already proved that." he had a rough voice to match his hands. "Let me f****** go, Kyle!" I scream at him. I don't mean it, though. I'm done resisting. to everything. Hate me? Okay. Love me? Okay. I'm just done, I don't deserve anything. 

"Never." he whispered in my ear before pressing his lips against my own. I refused to react for the whole 15 seconds. I counted.  "I hate you."

I push myself away from Kyle as my headache increases. I feel him nearby, probably worried, but I'm a bit preoccupied by the movie in fast forward. I see the volleyball flying toward me. I wanted to forget, to be happy, so I let it hit me. I see the rewind too, my dark days with the dark side, then the accident... It was my fault she's in a wheelchair. My fault. I watched Kyle with black around the edges of my vision before everything went dark.