In My Eyes (BoyxBoy)

6- Back

Pic is Jeffery's dad aka Kevin Costner>>

It's been about 5 months since I left school and things had started changing. Derek and Hayes both tried visiting but eventually gave up which really didn't take long at all. I wasn't angry with them, just disappointed in not only them but myself. They made me feel weaker then before to the point where my parents took me to see a therapist who recommended I come see him at least once a month and prescribed me some medication for anxiety. And then of course told me if I was experiencing headaches I should probably go to my regular doctor first to see if it has something to do with my eyesight.

Turns out I had to get a surgery because something was blocking the healing and my parents and doctor were hopeful I would be able to see after the operation. But I didn't have that hope, I didn't want to expect anything and have it not happen. I learned it's always best to assume the worst so I don't get disappointed or upset when it doesn't go as planned. At that thought I grabbed a water from the fridge suddenly smelling the familiar smell of Axe body spray and knew my brother has decided to bless me with his ever so cheerful presence. Ha. NOT.

"It seems everyone at school is happier without you. Even those guys that you liked so much have moved on. Hell they've both been busy with their women. It seems your gayness didn't rub off after all." He chuckled shoving me out of his way to get into the fridge causing me to slam my hip into the island counter. Tears threatened to fall not just because of the bruise already forming on my hip but because now I realized how much I really cared for Derek and the fact that now he has found someone to give his surprising warmth to had only pained me more. I really was an insignificant presence to him. That's why it was easy for him to treat me how he did and leave me alone so easily. But that part was my fault. I was nothing impressive. I was nothing. The only ones that loved me were my parents but even I can hear the discussions they have about me. They find it difficult to have a blind child. My mom always wants to spoil me while my dad wants to be more strict so that I learn how to do things myself which only causes them to argue.

I knew what a hindrance I was now.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I hope every night that these eyes bring me some sort of death. I hope that eventually you will get the brother you truly want. I'm sorry I'm too much of a coward to take my own life but I promise you I'll try my best not to make it out of that surgery for you." I said as calmly as I could managing a smile while the tears fell. I was truly sorry to him and I hope he won't have me along much longer because I myself am quite tired of myself too. It had nothing to do with guilting him or wanting pity, I truly just wanted it all to end for myself and everyone around me. The only way I saw happiness for everyone was if I left for good. After he said nothing I left the room quietly with my water and went to my room where I could cry quietly into my pillow.

Eventually falling into a dreamless sleep.

A month had suddenly flew by after that my brother never said a thing after what I had said in the kitchen and today was finally the day of my surgery. And if I got my wish I would no longer have to bother these people I loved so much. I wasn't sorry for myself. I was just dealt an unfortunate card.

The doctors had started taking me back to get my surgery and I took my chance to get a final look at my family. My mother was being held by my dad as they watched on nervously while my brother looked down at his feet almost like he was guilty but I knew better then to think that. And before I knew it surgery was taking place.

***

I had awoken not too long after to find my room empty. That was unusual, my parents were all over me even at a simple check up but surprisingly they weren't this time. My throat also felt really uncomfortable, looking down confused I see a machine pumping the tube that led to my mouth. I fumbled to find the button for help but when I did I realized.