And There Was Another✔️

Chapter 23: The First Step

When Seth woke up the next morning, he felt...calmer.

Not exactly at peace, but calmer than he had been in awhile. For a few minutes, he laid there, staring up into darkness, wondering about that. Maybe it was because he'd killed those Mandalorians and risked his life in a way that was strangely satisfying: he'd done something dangerous and risky, and he'd almost gotten killed, but had managed to come away still functional, and he'd saved a few lives in the process.

It was kind of a win-win all around, (except for the Mandalorians), and it came with that satisfaction he sometimes felt after feeling like he had actually earned his victory. He'd gotten hurt, what could have been a fatal wound, but he'd come out the other side victorious. Maybe, he thought suddenly, that was a problem. But risking his life was part of his job, part of his life. Shouldn't he enjoy it? Well, maybe not.

Seth thought about Maya's question, about if he cared whether or not he died. Did he? He still couldn't be sure. Right now, right here, laying in a comfortable bed next to a beautiful woman who, while he didn't love and knew didn't love him, he at least knew that they cared for each other a lot, he sure didn't feel like dying. But he could feel the core, the dark heart of his pain, of years of suffering, mental anguish, poverty, desperate loneliness, staggering rage, abuse, neglect, and a handful of truly awful experiences that still gave him nightmares, somewhere inside of him. It was numb for now, but it was still there.

Would it ever go away?

If he could, he would surgically remove it.

But you couldn't cut away spiritual suffering, you couldn't remove the emotional scar tissue of tragedy. Maybe that's what he was trying to do with all his reckless endangerment. Nova shifted beside him and came awake.

"Hey," she murmured when he wrapped an arm around her.

"Hello," he replied happily. "You want to, uh..."

She snorted. "Duh."

* * *

Seth and Nova headed out into the main galley. He was feeling even better, relaxed after morning activities and a shower. He'd even settled on what he wanted to do with his hair, since even he, who had mostly totally abandoned any sense of appearance beyond basic hygiene, thought the missing line of hair was a little distracting. He ended up grabbing an electric razor and buzzing the sides of his skull, then having Nova help get the back, leaving just the top of his head covered in his short, dark hair. It looked...different, but he kind of liked it.

Nova really seemed to like it.

Seri and Maya were sitting in the galley across from each other, talking quietly. They both looked over as the pair entered and made for the food area.

"You're awake, excellent," Maya said. "I intend to initiate your training today."

"What training?" Nova asked.

"Uh...Maya's going to try and help me get my anger under control," Seth replied.

"I see," Nova murmured.

Seth wondered suddenly if this was going to be a problem. He saw what must be unhappy emotions playing across Nova's face as she looked briefly at Maya, then returned her attention to the refrigerator. Then she suddenly seemed to realize something, smiled briefly, then continued hunting through the food. He wanted to ask her what was going through her mind, but whatever it was, it probably wasn't something she felt like talking about in front of other people. Speaking of other people...

"Seri, how are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm feeling a lot better," Seri replied. "Thank you for the talk last night."