'You're so beautiful,' he said, his hands on her thighs. He was sitting between her legs, up on his knees. The look on his face made her weak.
'I'm trying to actually have a conversation with you,' she said, trying, and failing at being serious. His hands trailing slowly up and down her thighs had her throughly distracted. 'You're leaving tomorrow,' she sighed and he frowned a bit, nodding.
She hated it. Hated that he was going. It was dangerous and she had a bad feeling about it. 'Stop worrying,' he cooed as he kissed up her body. 'After the mission is over,' he smirked, kissing her neck, 'you have me forever,' he whispered and pulled the ring from the drawer, slipping it on her hand.
'Marry me, Li,' he smiled and she nodded.
Lila woke up in a panic.
She couldn't remember where she was. The dream was so vivid. She could practically smell his cologne. She could still feel his hands, his lips.
She looked around the dark room, trying to focus. Adapting to her surroundings. She could see Steve, passed out on the opposite sofa. His breathing was shallow but it was clear his rest was uneasy.
The safe house.
She remembered now. She sat up and rubbed her face. His face. His eyes. She never thought she'd see them again. The confusion in them. He didn't know them. He didn't know her. And that's what hurt the worst. That's what was most painful.
The stinging in her side made her flinch as she tried to stand. She lifted her shirt, quickly assessing the small cut. It was deep, but she'd had so much worse. A cut she could live with.
She made her way to the window and quietly pushed then curtain aside, looking into the vast darkness. He was out there somewhere, wasn't he? Was he back with HYDRA? Would they torture him again?
That's the way it went. Lose focus, fail a mission? They'd wipe you and start over. Every time you'd lose a little more of yourself. They didn't want to to remember. Memories were a weakness. Too human. And they wanted a weapon.
Her heart ached for him. The idea of it all. That she knew what they'd do to him. He'd failed, he'd be punished. He made a mistake, he'd pay for it. She wanted so badly to find him, take him away from it.
Take out anyone that stopped her.
But her own pain was too deep. And that didn't sit well. Her coping mechanism began to take over. And she knew what that meant. Her emotions would go frozen. They'd be buried somewhere so deep that she'd barely be able to feel them.
It was a good thing, she figured. She could refocus on the task at hand. She could get things done if she felt nothing. She'd go blank, just like they'd taught her. She could be a machine, too.
"You okay?," she heard Steve say. His voice was hoarse, thick with sleep and she simply shrugged, not looking away from the window. She heard him move, coming closer until he was behind her.
"How is it possible?," he asked and she shrugged again. "We're here, aren't we," she said, emotionlessly. "He didn't know us," he went on and Lila sighed. She didn't want to have this conversation. She'd gone over it a million times. HYDRA was the only answer here, wasn't it? The only thing that made any sense.
"You broke out of it," he said softly, "so there's hope." If only if were that simple, she thought to herself. But it wasn't. It was never that easy. And he'd been under HYDRA's control a lot longer than she had. And truth be told, she didn't want to keep thinking about it.
He was lost to them.
Plain and simple.
Bucky sat in the chair. His fear overtook him. He knew he'd failed his mission. He hadn't killed the man. But it wasn't completely his fault. But he'd gotten distracted.
That wasn't acceptable.
Not for The Asset.
"But I knew him," he muttered, "the woman too. I know her face." But that wasn't possible, was it? The way she looked at him, the way she'd told him to go ahead. No one had ever done that again. No one had ever shown no fear.
He closed his eyes and waited. They'd wipe him, start over. First the pain would come and then...darkness. Nothing. 'It's okay,' he thought to himself, psyching himself up.
They hooked him up and he gripped the chair, the inevitable darkness coming any second now. But it came to him, just as they started. Her face, her voice.
He knew her.
Her name fell from his lips just as the first jolt of pain hit him.
"Lila."
