Ellie practically fell to the floor the moment she arrived. The shock from the trip, the disorientation. All of it, too much and she collapsed. "Ellie!," Bruce yelled out, flying from his chair in the lab to her, picking her up gently.
"Hey, breathe," he told her, holding onto her, "I have you, it's okay," Bruce said gently, pushing the hair back from her face. She looked up at him, confused. "Bruce? When did you get here?," she asked and he gave her a confused look. "I...I've always been here, Els," he said and she shook her head.
What did she do?
"JARVIS, call Tony. Let him know that Ellie is back," he said to the AI and she felt the panic rise up, her chest thightening. Everything was wrong, so very wrong. "Come and sit," Bruce said, helping her onto a bed. She looked around. Everything looked the same, but she knew it wasn't. How much had she changed?
"Oh thank God!," Tony said, relieved when he saw her. He rushed over and put his arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug. "Harland?," she asked him and he smiled a bit. "Dead, good job," he told her and she nodded. At least she'd done that.
"Where's Buck?," she asked him and she watched his expression change and the panic washed over her again. "Barnes you mean?," he asked her and she nodded, the lump in her throat growing. "Why are you asking for Barnes?," he said and she looked at him. "I...I need to see him. To talk to him," she told him and he tilted his head, confused.
"Barnes was never here, Els," he replied and she shook her head in disbelief. "No," she said softly, "he was here. Before I left," she told him, her heart pounding in her chest. "He was here and I want to see him," she said. "He's at the raft, Ellie," Tony explained. "We tracked him down and he was arrested. He's in max security where he belongs."
Elliott stood up, her legs shaky and her head spinning. But she couldn't have cared less. "No," she told him again, "he was here. Where's Steve? I need Steve. He'll know. He'll believe me," she said, rambling a bit, unsteady on her feet. Tony sighed and had JARVIS call for Steve.
She sat back down and waited. He'd understand, he'd have to. She knew she wasn't crazy, that he'd been there. She'd held him in her arms mere days before she left on her mission. She had to find him, see him. Bring him home to her. No matter what.
Her jaw dropped at the sight of Steve. His hair dark, full beard covering his face. He smiled brightly at her, happy she was home, that she was safe. He stepped closer and ran a hand through her hair. "Hey, Els," he said quietly and she looked up to meet his eyes. "Please tell me he's safe," she told him and he knitted his brows together. "Buck," she replied and he sighed.
"Bucky? Bucky's at the raft. We caught him in DC a few years back," he explained and she shook her head. That wasn't right. That couldn't be right. "Steve," Elliott said, shaking her head, feeling her heart shatter. "He was here, with us," she told him. "I messed things up," she said and her tears fell, fear taking over.
Not only had she ruined everything for herself, she'd ruined things for Steve as well.
"What did you do?," he asked her, gently rubbing her back as she gained the courage to explain, admit her mistakes. Steve let out a sigh as she finished and her tears turned to sobs, Steve wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "I'm sorry," she said between sobs and he kissed her head, telling her it was okay.
She didn't sleep the next few nights and when she did, it wasn't well. The nightmares causing her to wake up in a cold sweat and making her way to Steve's room, climbing into his waiting arms. It wasn't the same, but he filled a void, quelled the ache if only a little bit.
He'd ask if she wanted to go, to see him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was her fault, she felt. That she'd been selfish and given in to her temptations. And Bucky paid for it. Steve reminded her that Bucky knew no different. That he didn't know what she'd done.
But that was just it, wasn't it?
Did he know her at all?
Did the damage that HYDRA do erase her from his memory completely? Or would he remember her from then, when he'd held her in his arms, telling her that he loved her?
It didn't matter, Ellie thought. She'd done enough damage. Altering the lives of everyone around her. They knew no differently, but she did. Everything around her was a constant reminder of her mistake. Sure, the world was a bit safer and everyone was happier. She'd changed their lives for the better.
But she wasn't happy. She felt like a stranger amongst her friends, her team. She felt like she was just passing through, like a ghost. There but not really there. She dreamt of Bucky. Her Bucky that she'd known in the 40's. It was the only thing that felt real to her anymore.
She went through her days, participating. But it was fake, an act. And no one seemed to notice. It was like everyone barely registered that she'd changed. Going back had changed her and coming home had ruined her. She felt like she was in an alternate world. No one seemed to say anything, notice a change in her.
Except for Steve.
He was the only one. It was like he'd been inside her head, like he'd come through the rabbit hole with her. He understood, saw the raw pain in her eyes. He held her through the night, kissing her head, working her through the screams.
"I think it's time you go and see him," he told her one morning over breakfast. "And don't say no," he said, "it's time Ellie. You need to face it. Deal with it so that you can move on one way or another," he explained, stern look on his face and she simply sighed, resigning herself.
It was time.
She stepped inside, greeting Everett Ross, who explained procedure. She nodded simply, silently and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. "He's restrained," he told her, "so you'll be safe." She looked at him and smiled. "I'm not afraid."
She made her way down the long hallway, her heels clicking on the concrete floor, echoing off the walls. Her stomach was in knots, terrified of what she'd face. Was he still Winter Soldier? Blank, emotionless? Or was he Bucky? Scared, confused? Either way, it broke her heart.
She watched as the guard put his keycard in, typing on the pin pad and her breath hitched as the door opened. His eyes were closed behind the glass, but he wasn't sleeping, simply resting his weary eyes. How would he feel when he opened them?
She sat in the chair and she watched him for a moment, releasing a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in. His eyes shot open and he looked at her, his expression unreadable. She wanted to say something, anything to break the silence, but words didn't come.
He leaned forward a bit and he studied her face and his own softened, finally transforming into a smile. His hand reached up to the glass and she waited a moment before placing hers over his. She watched the look in his eyes, the sparkle that she'd only seen when she'd gone back. He took a breath and opened his mouth, one single tear falling from his eye.
"Ellie."
