This is a review of IrisTheCow's fanfiction, Beautiful Miracle. She chose stone cold killer. Why is a total mystery to me too be honest. Like wtf lemme find my stone-cold-killer pants y'all.
I've never done this. Bare with me.
As she was waiting to get devoured by the everlasting darkness of death, she wished upon a shooting star for she knew that if you did... your wish would come true. Although it was only a myth, she believed with it all her heart. And so, in her final hour, or what seemed to be it, she made a wish...
And she got it.
Here we have the description folks. I'm going to be stone cold killer honest here...
It's great.
I'm already wanting to read it. The grammar is quality, as is the spelling. The punctuation is on point and it goes along with the presumed plot of this story. A description is meant to give you a peek into a story, but not give too much away. That's what this did. Bravo, young padawan.
Now, I'm not gonna lie, the idea of wishing to get sucked into Attack on Titan and then having it happen is pretty cliche in and of itself. If it's written correctly, although cliche, it can still be a good read. There's a reason cliche's are cliche. It's because people like to read them. In uniqueness... eh. Her family sucks, doesn't feed her and thinks she's a monster for some reason, as per usual in these stories, and she's bullies. Also as per usual in these stories. But if that's what you're going for, you do you.
She's also suicidal. I'm not shaming mental illness in any way. I've been there, and plenty of other people on this site are. Having a depressed character isn't wrong, but in a "sucked into AoT" story where the character is depressed due to bullying, voices in her head and her sucky ass family...
Eh, yeah. I've seen it before. Anyone who reads any AoT fics will have seen it as well.
BUT THE GRAMMAR IS ON POINT AYYYY
Not to mention she is specifically wishing to go into Attack on Titan. She could be free wherever, but yes, let us choose a world full of man-eating monsters. But then again, I can understand it. I'd choose AoT over this world any day. I'd just choose maybe a different world a little sooner than that...
Another thing...
She's an angel.
Now this has also been done before. Again, this story is beautifully written and constructed. The grammar is a 10/10 throughout. But she's an angel now, somehow, and she's landed on a titan. Yes. She lands on a titan. She falls from the sky and lands
on a titan.
HmMmMmMm god I feel so mean your story is really amazing I'm sorry okay I'm going to continue hhhh
Oh, another cliche I can't help but point out is that the titan isn't trying to eat her. It saved her and helped her. Which is gucci, but in uniqueness....
hhhhh
Her being immediately able to fly isn't plausible either, in my opinion, but that's just me. That, and she changed so fast? Wot in tarnation? Her personality did some sort of gnarly 180. Like I'm serious. She's like "Yo my old self would have tried to save as many people from the titans as possible" but not, all of a sudden for no apparent reason, she's laughing and is deadass like "have fun dying folks I'm going to fly away with my angel wings because I'm an angel with wings peace"
I must touch on the parents again. Like, I've just gotta. They thought she was a monster and didn't feed her. Someone would have noticed. Why did they think you were going to kill them? It doesn't make sense. If they were afraid, they would have got rid of you. It's not impossible to put a kid older than an infant up for adoption. And why wouldn't she go get help? Like, they're not feeding you and hate you, what the fu-
And then after all this information
BOOM TWO YEAR TIME SKIP OUTTA NOWHERE
She's learned about her powers. That's right y'all. We're not just jumping in time, but in skill too. And to when the scout regiment finds her. The grammar is still amazing, as it has been this whole time. But now there's a finna l i s t of all the cool shit she can suddenly do after two years. No character growth. We're just diving straight in.
She's also a bit of a Mary Sue. She talks to herself, stops herself, screams at herself in all caps not to get side tracked. We didn't see much character growth up until this point. But now, this is the cake taker that made me want to close the book and stop reading immediately.
The fact that she can have any ability ever that she wants.
She's essentially a goddess.
That, and in your writing, you sort of begin to use things like *cough cough* in the middle of your writing. Maybe it was for humor, but the fact that it's a part of the story and not a little A/N reduces the grammatical quality by a tenfold. It's fine to do, and your story is still amazing, but...
hhhh
And you use a lot of capslocks. Sometimes when we shout, we write it in caps, but you use it a lot. Like, a lot a lot. This is, however, a major and personal pet peeve of mine so my sorry ass is biased. Sorry about that it's probably fine-
So as more people come in, the grammar plummets. When someone new starts talking, you're supposed to start a new paragraph. I was guilty of this too, but in recent months I've fixed it and no longer write like that. When someone speaks, they get their own paragraph. It doesn't have to be a huge chunk of text.
Example:
"Hey, dude!" He called to his friend.
"Hey man, what's up? I saw you at the pep rally yesterday. The canons they had were insane. I can't believe they actually shot t-shirts into the crowd with that big thing. The chick behind me actually managed to catch one." He responded with a grin as he approached his dear friend, who grinned back.
Like that.
Anyway, scout regiment takes her in, asks her to join of course. She's the fallen angel set to save humanity and all that jazz. She's also throwing herself random pity parties. Maybe it's just mood swings or her multiple personality disorder dealio.
sKIP MORE MONTHS
She can talk to animals, she's deadass in love with Levi (which we all are, tbh, but like she didn't even seem to process that he's not an anime character anymore, and that he's real. If she did, it wasn't shown)
Oh and she and Levi are somehow close friends now but that wasn't show eITHER SOB
Our lovely oc is hiding her emotions but worry not, for Levi can tell. Levi is also very in character, despite the situation. He's not getting too terribly mushy. He did say some oddly warm words, but with those many months we skipped, we're running on what you've told us about their relationship.
((Seeing it progress still woulda been gucci))
Plot twist Levi sees her as a sister but they all know she's an angel YEETUS THAT FETUS
The brother-sister relationship between them is honestly a beautiful touch. A romantic one would have just... hhhhh. Levi is also smiling a lot now, which is great and in fanfiction, you can bend characters however. But I'd like to point out that he rarely even smiled with Isabel and Farlan, and he was extremely close with them.
It's also revealed that she had a brother in the real world for, just because he was a boy, was worshiped. I understand that sexism exists but... seeing a girl as a monster and such, but then putting their blood relative on a pedestal? Like, the mom is a girl too, slow down kids. The brother also hates her and told her to die at some point which I really can't see happening. I get that kids take after their parents, but it's not usually that... bad. Unless our wonderful OC was being mean to the kid.
So your story, while it does have great grammar and structure.... it's a little bit cliche. Like, a little bit a lot cliche. The time skips are also just... it's showing that you're rushed. Smaller time skips so we can see progress are far better. I can see some instances where giant time skips are warranted, but this didn't at all seem like one of those times. But yeah, it looks great! Keep up the rad work. People are clearly enjoying it, and if you're having fun writing it, that all that really matters.
