I see that you're happy
Which I guess is a good thing
You're drowning yourself in alcohol so u don't feel anything
Not even guilt
No shame
You should be ashamed of yourself
You should be disgusted to even look in the mirror at this monster you call an angel
You used to be an angel
So pure so delightful
I don't know what the fuck happened to you but its terrifying me. So terrifying that once you realize you and him aren't meant for each other you'll come crawling back to me
And I'll let you
I have an understanding heart which can be a blessing and a curse
If you came to me and apologized right now I might just forgive you
Maybe a spark will match in my heart and a blazing fire will rage in me to keep you warm.
Jesus I hope it doesnt. Because as much as I loved you
You didn't love me
You were loving him
And I don't deserve someone who doesnt know what the fuck she wants
So she hurts people in the process of finding out.
Now, I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I'm done trying to be poetic. I'm hurt. And i can't find the beautiful words to translate my pain just to make everyone else feel something. Because you know what i feel? I'm sure I know what you feel. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You don't care if I live or die. Which was a beautiful discovery since you told me I deserve nothing but happiness and love. And I believed you. I told you everything. I told you about the time when my childhood molester came over to my house with his wife and child and I was having an anxiety attack. So you comforted me. You made me feel safe. I told you about everyone that hurt me and lied to me and used me. You told me I didn't deserve any of it. So what was all that? I deserved to be hurt by someone I truly loved? Well lesson learned. Because I truly. Deeply loved you. And you let your asshat of a boyfriend tell me It was all a dream. And maybe it was. Maybe true love is too good to be true. And I'm done believing in it.
