The professor called out names for the assignment.
"Song BoRa - Kim TaeHyung"
I stood up from my seat, looking around the classroom for my partner. A boy at the far end of the class stood up, already looking at me, rather staring with an expressio...
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"Come on! Now get your lazy ass up and be ready in ten minutes." Namjoon pulled my arms to get me out of my bed. I whined and tried to sleep back again.
I haven't stepped out my home since dad's death last week. Both mom and I had been staying at home since then and yet the house felt like no one lived here. It was all silent. We barely talked with each other. While I should have been stronger and should have been supporting my Mom through all of this, I just couldn't. We both cried, separately in our rooms. Neither of us is able to support each other when we are the only pillars of support left. Few days passed, neither I could go to University with the guilt of leaving Mom behind alone. Nor she could leave for office. The deadly silent treatment we had been keeping up was killing us inside and yet we couldn't do anything about it.
Namjoon pulled my arm again, bringing me out of my trance and sleep. "Mom's cooking breakfast. She has to leave too. So hurr---"
"She is leaving for office?" I asked in my morning groggy voice.
"Yes. She is resuming work today and she called me to take you to Uni. So please get ready and meet me downstairs. I am not leaving for Uni without you."
I nodded weakly. He sighed at my lack of verbal response and went downstairs to join my Mom for breakfast.
Mom could tell Namjoon that she is resuming work today but not me? I felt a sudden pang in my heart at the thought. She can't confide in me when she needs me the most. What is wrong with me? I groaned with tears in my eyes, yet again. I quickly wiped my tears and got up to get ready for University.
I went downstairs to find Mom and Namjoon eating breakfast while chatting about something I have no idea about. I wished Mom a good morning and sat in to have my breakfast. They continued discussing which by the bits and pieces I could understand, was something about our business which now Mom was taking over, officially. I was happy at least Mom was talking with someone. She spoke more words with Namjoon that she had spoken throughout the week with me. I ate my breakfast in silence without disturbing them. Soon we all were finished and got up to leave.
I asked Mom while placing my plate in the kitchen sink, "When will you be back from office?"
"I don't know, I might get late since it's been a week I haven't been to the office." She said and I nodded understanding. That's how short our talks have been since last week. Namjoon noticed the sadness on my face and Mom's too but ignored it for the time being. I know, later he will ask about this for sure.
The ride to college was silent. I wanted to ask Namjoon if he asked Sunhi to manage herself for her ride today. I wanted to ask him about the 1 week at University. I wanted to ask him about Taehyung. But I decided not to. My throat was permanently choked as if on the verge of crying and I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. I didn't want to see the pity in people's eyes for me. I couldn't bear them saying that 'everything will be fine'. Because it won't. It never will. And this is one of the main reasons I had been avoiding University. It's not that many students know me or they would care about my absence or my reason of absence anyway. But my own friends, Namjoon, Sunhi, and Taehyung, are the ones I dread the most right now. And the anxiety kicked in when we reached Uni.
Namjoon understood and gave me my space by not asking much questions or even talking with me. At least one person is safe for now. I thought to myself, sighing. We both reached the class. Namjoon went forward and sat with Sunhi, who waved me with a smile. The smile that had pity for me. I smiled weakly, which I am sure might not even have looked like a smiled. I went forward and sat on the last bench. I tried to control the tears that already threatened to leave my eyes. How am I going to manage the whole day? I have to resume my job too. I sighed and rested my head on the table, trying to avoid anyone and everyone.
I know it's all my anxiety. No one wouldn't even notice that I am back in class after 1 week. But you can't justify and explain this to your anxiety, can you?
I closed my eyes, my head resting on the table, while I take in deep long breaths to calm my extra fast heartbeat and shaking hands. I take in one long breath, then second, then third, then another one....
Someone knocks on my table and I jolted my head up surprised with the sudden noise. I look at Taehyung standing beside my table. "I am sorry! Did I knock loud?" I wanted to shout, 'Yes you dammit' but resorted to a nod. My heartbeat was now extra slower than normal, thanks to his sudden knock.
"Can I sit here?" I looked at him again and at the vacant seat beside me. Say no, Bora Say no. I kept training my mind and my mouth to utter a 'No'. But before I could reply, Professor came in and Taehyung sat at the seat beside me without waiting for my response. "Were you going to reply tomorrow?" He smirked looking at me. Oh, the smirk is back! The smirk I hate so much. I refrained from replying him back and tried to focus on the new chapter Professor has started. The chapter I have no idea about. I guess I need to catch up on many things. I sighed, trying to take notes of whatever I could understand. Honestly, I wasn't present mentally in the class. My mind kept wandering back to Mom if she was okay at the office.
But apart from this, another thing that distracted me throughout the lecture was Taehyung's gaze at me. But whenever I looked at his side, he would quickly look towards Professor and act as if he has been listening to him very intently. I ignored for the first time, but by the second time, I knew he has been catching glances at me. I tried to ignore him, thinking he might be feeling pity for me like others and rather tried to focus on the professor.
Another one with the pity eyes. Great to go!
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[A/N]
Hi!
So the difficult chapters have started. This is my first time writing fiction. Personally, I am not at all good at describing feelings, in any form. I hate explaining whatever I am going through to anyone. You can blame my introverted nature. And I started writing this story just to help myself improve expressing my feelings.
So I would appreciate your feedback and criticism. I want to improve and this is one way I think can help me.
Thanks for reading this story, I hope you like it till now. Though I am making a lot of last-minute changes against the original idea I had for the story, I hope it turns out to be interesting enough for you to read.
