Valerie (An Enjolras Love Story)

Chapter Nine

(Marius P.O.V)

I can't believe it, Eponine found her! I felt like the happiest man in the world now that Cosette was in my life! I floated home after Eponine had taken me to where she lived. I confessed how I felt about her, and I felt at ease, knowing she felt the same for me.

How could I possibly risk my life now, knowing that someone is waiting for me. My views of the revolution have suddenly switched. I thought that I knew I was sure about what I was doing by joining Enjolras and everyone at the barricades. But now I feel like maybe I don't belong there. Maybe Enjolras was right. I shouldn't be playing this game if I couldn't commit to it. I reached our apartment and saw a faint light coming from Valerie and Enjolras' room. I sighed and walked up to the apartment. I quietly walked over to the door slowly pushing it open. I sighed a breath of relief to see that it was only Valerie in the room. I knocked on the door to get her attention. She looked up from her book and smiled at me.

"Hey! Come in!" She smiled at me as she put the book on the night stand.

"Can I talk to you?" I said slipping through the door.

"Of course! Come sit!" She said pulling her knees up to her chest. I smiled slightly and went over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"What's going on?" She said sounding a bit concerned. I just looked down at my hands.

"Eponine found the girl I saw in the street earlier today" I said.

"That's amazing! Did you see her again?" Valerie smiled at me.

"Yes, but now I'm not sure." I said quietly. I could feel her gaze on me as she looked at me trying to read my face like she normally did.

"I'm not sure what you mean?" She said.

"I mean, I know I love her, and she loves me. But what I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing." I said looking up at her.

"I'm still not sure what you mean?" She looked at me in the eyes, I just sighed. Just get to the point Marius. I thought to myself.

"What I mean is. I'm not sure if I want to be part of the Revolution anymore." I said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear. I watched her face looking for any indication of the response I was going to get. It was because of me that got her into this situation and involved in the revolution. I feared that she would be angry that I was going to abandon her and the cause, but instead her eyes drifted down slightly as she remained to have a blank expression.

"I just don't know what to do. I still believe in the cause, but now I'm not sure if I'm ready to risk my life now that I have someone who cares so deeply for me." I said looking back down at me hands. We sat in silence for a few moments before Valerie placed a hand on mine.

"The decision is entirely yours. I can't make up your mind for you. Only you know what will be best for you." She said as she lifted my chin to make me look at her. "I am very happy for you Marius, words cannot describe how happy I am that my best friend has finally found love like I have." She smiled at me.

"Thank you, Valerie, for everything." I said getting up from the bed and kissing her on the cheek. I walked out of the room and was about to enter my own, but figured I should go for a walk, I still needed to figure out what needed to be done.

I wandered the streets pondering my decision. I know I want to be with Cosette, but if I were to abandon the revolution now, I don't think I would be able to face all my friends ever again. Maybe I could take her away from Paris, away from France! That way we could start our lives together. And start a brand-new life, away from the monarchy and away from the revolution. Yes, that is what I was going to do! I started making my way back to the apartment, but stopping in my tracks when I saw everyone celebrating and planning for the beginning of the revolution. Suddenly I felt a rush of guilt run through my body.

"How can I desert you?" I sighed. How can I tell you why? I said staring up to the second window. Coachmen hold the horses, stay, I pray you. I said taking a step into the light.

Let me have a moment, let me say good-bye. I said tears starting to form. To friendship and love, passion and my home. Harsh and sweet and bitter to leave it all. I'll bless my homeland, till I die. A single tear ran down my cheek. I turned and started walking in the opposite direction.

How to break the ties? We have shared our tears and shared our sorrows I thought as I passed by an alleyway packed with the homeless and oppressed. Though the stars remain, and tears will never dry, I'll bless my homeland, till I die. If I were to leave, I would never return. Leaving behind everything I have known, my country, my family, everything I have ever known. But I would risk that all for the woman I loved. How can I close the door on this part of my life and go somewhere I have never been before because I was in love. The people in my life up until this point had raised me into the man I have become. And now I was being hypocritical now and abandoning my friends for love! Something I have never known before.

How can I desert you! How can I tell you why! I thought turning back around to go to the café to see my friends one last time. Let me have one more moment, let me say good-bye. Harsh and sweet and bitter to leave you all. I'll bless you and my homeland forever. I turned and ran down the street, not knowing where I was going, until I ended up in front of Cosette's home. I quietly called her name through the open window until she appeared in the garden.

"Pack your things, in two-days' time we leave this place." I said not allowing her to protest as I disappeared into the darkness.

A/N Alright, so I know that "Stay, I Pray you" from Anastasia may not fit perfectly well in the story line. But let me kind of explain my thinking behind it. 

One thing people don't normally think about is Marius thoughts of abandoning the revolution after meeting Cosette. So I pictured him having the very conversation with Valerie, basically asking for her advise. In the end he had made the decision to leave the revolution to be with Cosette. Feeling guilty about it he choses to leave the country all together, in fear of facing his friends, also leading to the fear or leaving everything he knows for love. Hence the lyrics to the song kind of explaining his thinking throughout the chapter.

I just basically summarized the chapter, but hopefully it kind of makes a bit more sense as to why I chose to include this song.