Waiting For You

Chapter 3

The visits from the boys and the girls continued. Sometimes we'd watch a movie, mostly we'd just laugh and talk. A couple times they wanted to take me out for awhile, but I was far too weak. I begin growing closer to everyone, especially Niall. We had so much in common, and we could talk about anything. I felt like he was my best friend- but it was hard to become so close to him when I knew that any day could be my last. It was odd though, because I'd made it through four months and I wasn't much worse. I mean, I was still very sick. But I didn't feel like I was... Dying. Eventually, I did feel well enough to go out with the boys. I have to use a wheelchair and get piled with blankets, but otherwise I'm fine. First off we go to the movies to see Step Up: Revolution. Then we go out to Denny's for dinner. The waitress gives my bald head and small frame and odd look and asks if I need special seating. I'm about to politely reply when Niall says "No. She's fine. She's perfectly normal. Problem?" I just stare at him, like the waitress is. She finally says an irritated "No." and leads us to our table. After dinner, we get ice cream and walk around the park for awhile, Niall pushing my chair the entire time. We're laughing and talking when suddenly a group of girls- fans of the boys- begins approaching us. Most look at me with looks of pity, but a couple stare down in disgust. One of the disgusted ones asks:

"Niall, why are you with -her-? She's bald and skinny. I'm more beautiful!" I look at her in disbelief as the other fans try to shush her. I'm wondering what Niall will do- he'll probably just laugh it off. But what he does say shocks me.

"I'm with her because she is far more beautiful inside and out then you'll ever be." he replies calmly, then promptly turns and wheels me away. The rest of the boys and their girls follow. They're all congratulating Niall and commending him, saying they'd have said the same thing. Niall doesn't say much, and I'm just sitting there grinning like an idiot. I reach back and squeeze the top of Niall's hand, which is gripping the wheelchair hand very tightly. I look at him and see a face full of rage, fury, and- surprisingly- love? Or is it compassion? I'm not sure, but nonetheless still surprised.

"Don't worry Niall. I'm alright. Forget it." I try reassuring him. He still says nearly nothing until we reach the hospital. By this time I was almost completely worn out and nodded off on Niall's shoulder halfway home in the car. Next thing I know, I'm laying in my hospital bed and it's in the middle of the night. I struggle to sit up and reach for a glass of water. Sitting on my bedside table is a note that says,

"Allie,

I just wanted you to know that what that girl said was completely unacceptable. She shouldn't dare to ever call herself a fan again. You are beautiful in every way. You're a princess- maybe even... My princess.

Love Always,

Niall"

I drop the note in disbelief, and lean back onto my pillow. My exhaustion is held at bay by these knew-found sparkling thoughts that I am Niall Horan's princess.

~ ~ ~

As their visits continue, Niall and I become closer and closer. I try my best to hold him off, because I know that the next time he sees me, I could be dead. But it's so hard to hold him far away when he wants to hold me so close. He doesn't exactly put any moves on me, but it's always something. A touch of the shoulder, a brush across my hand. A gentle kiss on the cheek. He's so tender, caring. Loving. It's clear that he wants me, and I know I want him- but how do you love someone when your death is inevitable?

Two months after the boy's visits began, and an entire month after the doctor's deadline for me, we've all gone out to the beach. I'm sitting on a towel bundled up. Dani, who I've grown close to as well, sits on one side of me with Liam. Niall is on my other side and the rest of the boys are splashing in the ocean. Once Dani and I finish discussing pollution and such in the ocean, her and Liam go out to join the rest of the boys, leaving Niall and I alone. I know this can't end well. I lay back and close my eyes, a sure sign that I don't want to be talked to, but it doesn't work. Niall immediately lays beside me.

"You know, sometimes, when I'm missing my family in Ireland, I just look up at the night sky. And I remember that we can both see the same moon, the same stars. And it doesn't feel like we're so far apart anymore." he whispers softly to me. I slowly open my eyes and drink in the twinkling lights above me.

"When I was little, I used to look up and pretend I was a star. I'd dress in a silver leotard and dance around the house, singing. My mom always called me Stargirl. And now... I guess someday I really will be a star. Or an angel..." I reply to him. I realize I've given him a subtle reminder that I won't be here much longer. That he should just let me go. Give up.

"Allie, right now I believe you're already a star. You're my star- and other people's. You shine so brightly, despite... The inevitable." he says softly to me. I close my eyes against the tears that are welling up.

"I just want to leave this world in the best way possible." I manage to whisper. Niall turns, and slowly begins playing with my hair. Then he goes to put his arm around me. I turn my back on him, the tears falling freely now at how hard it was to turn away. After awhile, he stops playing with my hair, stands up, and goes to join everyone else. I bite my lip, but a sob comes anyway. I begin crying freely, but I'm not sure why. Maybe because I have to let Niall go, the only reason is because I love him so much. And once I depart this world, I can't leave him like that. I can't let him get close to me. Because it'd tear me apart watching him fall to pieces as I slip away. And I'd never wish that on anyone I love so much.