Gone Without A Trace

Leaving Everything Behind 🚆

(TRACYS POV)

I couldn't bare to see her face the look of disappointment and anger would haunt me forever

The words 'even for you Tracy this is outrageous' echoed in my head She was right and I shouldn't have done it Cams given me so much in my life and I pay her back like this? It's wrong she doesn't deserve a daughter like me

I sling my bag down and sit by the rails I'd gathered my stuff together and left because I knew things would never be the same again when she got back

I couldn't bare to live in a home with no love or laughter left only resentment and hatred with me forever staring at those four walls begging her to talk to me until eventually I would just give up trying and live my life in silence.

I couldn't have that truth was her life's better without me in it as the tannoy calls out the next train I nod picking my bag back up and looking out into the horizon

The world was still today,a gentle breeze and the sun was beating down on me as the train pulls up I show my ticket mustering a smile and sit alone staring out the window at what my life had become..

A mess an unfixable hopeless no way back for us mess. She's better off without me she always would have been all I did was cause her worry and stress.

I should've left sooner I find the bravery to turn my phone back on and as I expected,it floods with messages in capital letters and more exclamation marks than you could count

I read the texts and words like disappointed,stupid,gormless,idiotic,pathetic stick in my head I delete them all without bothering to read through the whole thing I'd got the gist by now I realised how much I screwed things up this time and I knew she would never ever forgive me

I pushed it too far this time as I stumble upon one she'd left me on my 18th Birthday telling me how much she loves me and how her life would be so dull without me she'd ended it with Love Mum and I think that's the reason I saved it.

I move it over to the trash and delete it it didn't mean anything now she isn't my mum anymore I now know why mine didn't want me..shit she knows I'm online!

I go to turn it back off as a message comes through 'Come Home Tracy x' my mind convinces me it's a trick so I take my SIM card out open the train window and throw it out watching it fly away releasing the last of my anger

I pop the case back on my phone and relax everything's gonna be okay now all the pictures disappear and my phone resets to normal,no memories..no happy times saved,nothing and it's what I deserve.

I stare out the window and a tear rolls off my cheek I'll miss her she really was a brilliant foster mum I reminisce over good times until the tears glaze over my eyes so much I can barely see.

I blink and they fall delicately staining the worn out table I felt like that table right now. I don't even bother to wipe my tears away I just let them fall feeling numb in this moment.

Feeling paralysed and scared I can't face the world,not alone. But I have too it's my fault she hates me and she'll never ever forgive me. My dream of being a writer destroyed everything.