Addiction (Book One of the Addiction Series)

Chapter 10

That interaction begins a brand new routine, and a brand new start for me. Not only did I get my little sister back, I also got a great friend. Adam starts coming over every day after school. He brings the snacks and Lily and I bring the hospitality. Adam aces the Chaucer section of his English class, and I am no longer afraid to meet my sister's eyes across the table at dinnertime. Even my dad seems to be easing up a bit. He and my mom had a long talk (read: argument) about my allowing myself to spend time with someone like Adam, and Mom convinced him that whatever bad things could happen were worth the risk. Wouldn't it be better, mom reasoned, if I had a legitimate reason to keep my addiction at bay? And Adam seems like a good enough reason to her.

He seems like a good enough reason to me, too. We spend our time between classes holding hands in the hallway, strolling side by side down the hall, oblivious to the whispers and rumor-mongering of the others. We sit next to each other on the bus every day; sometimes I even lay my head on his shoulder and doze on the way to school. He responds to that by very carefully by pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt – my sweatshirt now, I gave it back to him and he returned it a day later, saying it was mine now – and laying his head on top of my head.

For all intents and purposes, we are a couple. Everyone knows this, everyone can see. But it's not that simple. As long as I have this addiction, this curse, I can never kiss him. I can never truly, fully hold him in my arms or relax myself in his. I can never feel his skin against mine, I can never enjoy the caress of his bare hand. We are together, but we are forever divided by this monkey I just can't seem to get off my back.

It has been almost a month since I left the rehab facility and I am feeling much less strung out. I have more energy, I have more drive, and I have less of an urge to grab Adam or Lily by the face and suck the magic out of them. But the monster is still inside me. I can feel it lying, curled up like a cat, deep down in my stomach. It stirs from time to time; it is always just on the cusp of restlessness, just on the verge of waking up and devouring everything I love. This, I don't think, will ever go away.

"What's on your mind?" Adam asks me as the bus nears our stop. I have been staring blankly at him – through him, really – for the past few minutes as I think about all of these things. Sometimes I want to just tell him to forget me, that I'm wasting his time, that this relationship can't possibly go anywhere. But then he looks at me like he is looking at me right now, and I just can't do it.

"You," I say simply, with the faintest of blushes.

"Oh, yeah?" He smiles as he brushes a strand of hair away from my face before resting his gloved fingers on my cheek. "And what were you thinking about me?"

The bus stops and I bite my lip mischievously. "Sorry, time's up. Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of 'What's on Dani's Mind?'"

He groans in faux exasperation, and I pull him up by his hand. We climb down from the bus together, and he puts his arm around my waist between my sweatshirt and my backpack as we start the short trek toward my house.

"How was your calculus quiz?" I ask, leaning into him as we walk as slowly as possible down the cracked sidewalk.

"Don't try to change the subject! Tell me what you were thinking about just now."

"Nope, too late."

"Come on! It was about me! I have a right to know!"

"Hmmm.... nope, sorry."

"Dani!"

"I forgot it now, it's gone."

"Oh, you want to play it that way, huh?" A determined, playful smile crosses his face. I see it only for a split second before he looks down at my stomach and starts tickling me.