Looking After You

James Carstairs

Chapter 3 - James Carstairs  

As I took a moment to look away from Tessa, I saw him...Jem. I shuddered as I saw his long hooded robe. Thinking that he died was the hardest thing for me to ever go through. Having half of your heart disappear, and not being there when he passed on made it harder to see him. Even harder though is to see him with the runes upon his face and knowing that the reason he was this way was because I couldn't find his Yin Fin for him. And knowing that he had asked Tessa to marry him before he passed only made it even harder too. He loved Tessa and she loved him. To know now that this is what she does once every year was...extraordinary. I knew there was a reason we both loved her. Tessa, my Tessa, our Tessa.  

I watched amazed, as Tessa put down her book and stood in front of Jem. Now that I could see Tessa's beautiful face, and not a thing about it had changed, nor had it aged a day since my death. As I looked closer I could see that she had been crying. I reached to put my arms around her but my arms went straight through her body. This furiated me. Jem should put his Silent Brother arms around her and comfort her when I can't, don't just let her cry! I frantically look towards Jem, his hood covered his face but he reached and brought it down. Jem. He didn't look older than seventeen, he looked the same age as when we would run off and fight demons together. 

Both of them standing there with ageless faces, and me looking as though I was seventeen again. "If only they could see me" I muttered. "If only I could hold Tessa and let her know she wasn't alone." Then I reached for my Parabatai rune again, remembering the life Jem and I shared. To think back about the times before Tessa were hard because it was so long ago, but some memories stay with you forever. Just like the memory of when Jem and I first met in the Institute. 

"Jem" I heard , a familiar voice speak out into the silence, it was Tessa. She was greeting him. I knew that the only way Jem could speak to her was through thought. So I took out the bottle that Magnus had given me before I rushed off. He told me, "Drink this if you wish to hear." At the time I gave it no thought, but now I understand. I turned the bottle upside down and swallowed. Seconds after I could here Jem.  

Tessa. It's always so good to see you. How have you been this year? As I am listening I noticed that when Tessa says something back she speaks it.  

"Jem. It's been too long." She spoke in a soft but tough voice.  

I know Tessa. I know. I have been so busy. I have longed to see you though. To see how you have been. 

"I have been fine Jem. Life has been hard in the past, but I'm doing fine now." 

It must be tough to be alone. His thoughts then veered to the look of me in my elder state, with him sitting beside me holding my hand and Tessa, my Tess holding me while I passed. His thoughts were quickly interrupted. 

"Yes Jem, yes it's hard but I know Will is in a better place and he is probably fighting demons in heaven. You know that's the one thing that made him truly happy." I saw a glimmer of something shiny on Tessa's arm. It was the bracelet I had given her as our 30 year anniversary gift. As Tessa spoke I could hear the unhappiness in her voice. After spending so many years with her I can tell when she is bothered, and now she is. Her eyes began to tear up again. She turned away and wiped her eyes. Jem never noticed. He was a Silent Brother. They do not feel or show emotion. I longed to reach out at her and embrace her and to comfort her. I longed to hold her as I held her for all those years we were married. I wanted her to know I was here beside her. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand and never let go. But as much as I longed to I knew that no matter how hard I tried I could not touch her, not now, not ever.  

They're conversation lasted another couple of minutes until they decided to part. After they parted I knew what I needed to do. I need to find Magnus. I must see if he kept looking for a cure for Jem. But how do I find him. I began to turn around and hurry off to the tree I started at but as I turned I saw him.