Matthew Silver and the Monster Hunters, Book One: The Darkest Waters

Chapter Twenty-Two

SilverCHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I don’t know about you, but I don’t appreciate chauffeuring a crazy, old, shotgun-toting lunatic, who had just threatened my friends and was now trying to buddy up with me. I didn’t trust him, I didn’t like him, and I was starting to regret that he was in our car. Too much talk made my head hurt, but he didn’t get that.

He leaned forward from the backseat and patted my shoulder. “I knew you young ‘uns would help Old Parker, right from the start. Bless your ‘lil hearts,”he cackled.

“Touch me again, you lose that hand.”

“Oh, sure, sure. Old Parker’ll do whatever you like. Yep, you just ask me to do something, and I’ll get it done for you.”

I was starting to get sick of the guy talking about himself in the third person. I was getting sick of the guy talking at all. The rustic abbreviations were starting to get on my nerve.

“Oh, I got an idea!”I said cheerfully.

He smiled, thinking I’d finally warmed up to him. “Name it, and Parker’ll do it.”

“How about we play ‘Parker shuts up, or else’? It’s my favorite game.”

“Oh, you’re a witty one, you are,”he said good-naturedly, even though I hadn’t been kidding. “Old Parker can keep quiet!”

“I sure hope so!”

“Yep, Old Parker has a mouth like a bear trap! It snaps shut, and it won’t open up.”

“I haven’t noticed.”

“Yep, they used to have a nickname for me back in the day. Can you guess what it was?”

“Loudmouthed Leeman?”

“Close! Try again!”

“Barker?”

“Almost!”

“I give up!”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

“…So what was it?”I asked, with only mild interest, mind you.

He gave me a bewildered look. “What was what?”

“Your nickname. You know—”I tried an imitation of his voice. It wasn’t hard. I just had to pretend like I’d been gargling sand for an hour or two. “Back in the day, they called me—”

“Oh, yes,”he recalled. “I used to have a nickname back in the day too. Old Parker—”He went off on another little speech about himself, making me want to hit my head against the dash.

Jay hit her face with her palm. “You’re just making it worse.”

“Hey, mister!”I called back.

“How can Old Parker do you service?”

“Can you please, please, please stop talking?!”

There was a moment of silence, before he finally piped up.

“You’re the one making all the noise!”He broke into a fit of laughter.

I went for my knife then, but Jay intercepted my hand and placed it back on the wheel. By the time we finally pulled up to his cabin, I was ready to strangle him with the seatbelt.

I’ll admit that the cabin was actually pretty impressive. I’d been thinking of a small, one room log house that matched its owner in style and smell. It looked more like an actual house—something that people could actually live in. It was two stories tall and made of a dark stained wood that gave it a welcoming, cozy feel. There was a chimney spouting smoke into the air, suggesting a warm fire inside, and it even had a generator in the back, powering the place with electricity.