Evan and I continued riding the bus together and talking about books, school, music, and other things like that, always teasing and jokingly arguing. Weeks went by and neither of us made another romantic-type move on each other, and I kept up serious boundaries without telling him about it. Everyday after school, we would go to this new cafe we we found in our small town called 'The Beaten' and we loved it. Their coffee, hot chocolate, and cookies were delicious.
So, anyway, we would go to that cafe everyday after school and do our homework together and talk again about books, school, music, and other things like that. But not once did we talk about the kiss he gave me on the cheek, not once did we talk about the conversation we had behind the school, and not once did we mention the comments Evan sometimes said that made it sound that he liked me.
After going to the cafe, he would always walk me home and I would always say goodbye, forcing myself not to watch him walk away until he disappeared like I used to. Everything was going well, I was feeling numb again, Evan didn't worm his way into my heart after all. But that was until a month later, of course, where things took a turn.
As usual, I woke up at about four in the morning, took a shower, blow dried my hair, brushed it, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and picked out an outfit. I wore a black hoodie with a peace sign on it and some dark blue skinny jeans with my usual converse. I applied a little bit of makeup, triple checked my bag, then went downstairs to make myself some breakfast and leave for the bus stop early.
Just like always, I read whatever English book we were reading for that month [ this time it was called 1984 ] and thought about what I would right for my essay rather than Evan. Evan showed up late, just as always, and we sat together on the bus and talked about the book we were reading. And then things got real quiet and I stared out the window instead of staring at Evan.
We made it to the school and we hopped off of the bus, but this is when things took a turn, surprising me immensely. "Hey, can I talked to you for a sec? In private?" Evan asked.
I stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Um, yeah, sure." I replied. Evan took my hand into his, something he hadn't done for a while. As soon as he let go, I shoved it into the pocket of my hoodie so that he wouldn't grab it again. It felt tingly and numb.
"Are you trying to feel numb again?" He asked me, it was so direct and straightforward. I winced.
"I don't think that I ever quit feeling numb." I lied, making Evan look really sad.
"Beth, I wanted you to know that I don't really want you to feel numb anymore." He told me quietly. "I... I feel like..." He sighed, running a hand through his perfect black hair. I looked up at him, biting my bottom lip. "I really like you, Beth." He whispered.
My heart started beating a million miles a second, dragons erupted inside of my stomach, I felt queasy, like I would either faint or throw up at any moment. "You... you like me?" I winced at how doubtful I sounded as I said this, like the mere thought of it was laughable.
Evan chuckled lightly, but he sounded weary and tired, and sad. "Who wouldn't like you, Beth?" He whispered.
I honestly didn't know what to do, I had never faced something quite like this before, with Jared I told him that I had a crush on him and then he kissed me. And I sure as heck wasn't going to kiss Evan. I was supposed to feel numb! The only thing that came to mind was run. And that's what I did. I ran around the school and down the familiar road back to my house.
Evan called my name and chased after me, but he stopped after I got too fast and ran too far, the memory of him clutching his side and gasping for air almost made me smile... almost. Luckily, mom would be at work so I had the house to myself. I looked myself in my bedroom and sobbed into my pillows.
Because I regretted running, I was supposed to feel numb, it reminded me of Jared, and the worst part was... I think that I loved Evan. And I hated myself for loving him, I hated him for making me love him.
The rest of the day I lay in bed, ignoring Evan's countless calls and text messages, listening to his voice mails saying he was sorry, saying he did like me, begging me to call him back... I listened to them over and over again. I ignored mom every time she asked what was wrong, never saying a word, even when she threatened to take away all of my books.
And Evan continued to call over and over again, leaving messages until my voice mail box was full, but he kept calling. Finally, I turned off my phone because he would literally not stop calling. I plunged into darkness and silence, my stomach grumbled for not eating lunch or dinner.
It was only an hour when the doorbell rang and a familiar figure appeared in front of my door. Just seeing him made my hide my face in my pillows to muffle my sobs. I felt the bed dip and a hand turn me over and sit me up. Evan tilted my face up under my chin, his other hand cupping my cheek and brushing away my tears with his thumb. I was forced to look at him, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, like he too had been crying, his cheeks blotchy.
"I'm sorry. I know that you are trying to feel numb and never have a relationship again after that bastard." As he said this, his eyes filled with an anger so harsh that I almost felt scared. "But I really like you... no, I love you. And there is nothing that will keep me from fighting for you, even if you forbid me to continue talking to you." His words were cheesy but I loved them anyway.
But I still didn't know what to do, I didn't want to get hurt again but it seems that just being away from Evan was hurting me. "I-I don't want love to hurt me again." I whispered on a trembling voice. Evan gave me a weak smile.
"I promise that I will never let love hurt you." He whispered back, placing his forehead against mine, sending butterflies through my stomach. "And I promise that I will never hurt you either."
Once I heard exactly what I wanted to hear, I let out my breath that I didn't realize I was holding. "I-I..." but before I could say anything else, Evan placed a kiss on my lips and moved one hand to my lower back and his other team through my curly, tangled hair.
I kissed him back and clutched the hem of his shirt. His lips were soft and warm, like home, like they belonged on mine. We pulled away and stared into each other's eyes, my hazel ones in his blue ones.
"I love you too." I whispered to him.
A grin replaced the worried look on his face, but then it became serious again. "Now I need you to promise me something." He whispered, his breath fanning my face.
"Yeah?"
"Do you promise to come out of your numb faze?"
"I didn't need to come out, you pulled me out." I replied, smiling shyly, my face heating up.
"Then do you promise to never go back in?" He asked, watching my nose.
"I promise." I replied. Evan looked back into my eyes and smiled.
"You're cute when you blush." He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
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I'M SORRY ABOUT THE SHORT CHAPTER I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!
