Lams stuff

Chap. 1

A/N The fanart I used was made by the amazing Ciroprofacto
Trigger warning: includes depression, suicidal thoughts, and homophobia

Another night I was alone with my thoughts, but this time I felt more alone than ever despite Alexnder sleeping less than a foot away from me. It seemed like a cruel temptation more than a comfort. 
Alexander barely got enough sleep as it was...I wouldn't want to wake him.

I rolled over in the queen sized bed to face the wall. I felt I tear roll down my cheek.

As the absence of my own thoughts became apparent, other thoughts began to fill my head, taunting me.

Your weak

No I'm not..

Says the man that's crying. Imagine what your father would think if he had found out that he had raised
such a cowered, such a sodomite.

I am not a sodomite.

I felt more tears welling up in my eyes

Yes you are. Just ask Francis. Or the man sleeping right beside you. You and I both know what you have done with each other. You and I both know that your 'little secret'  is punishable by death, so why don't you do it for them? Do them all a favor and kill yourself! It's not like anyone would care!

Shut up...please...

I sniffed as tears rolled down my cheek, I gripped the bed sheets in an effort to keep myself quiet, as to not wake Alexnder.

Oh! And I almost forgot. Alexnder! The man that actually has a reason to be crying! But let's see, do you have a reason to be crying? No, no you don't. Alexander's life is hundreds of times worse than yours, and he doesn't even shed a single tear. Even he has more courage than you! You are a coward. That's all
you'll ever be. A coward. A sodomite. Over emotional. Worthless.

A sob escaped from my lips before I could stop it. I heard the bedsheet rustling, Alexnder was awake.
"J...Jacky?", he asked his lips barley moving. "What's wrong?"
I let out a shaky sigh.
"Is this...our relationship...is it wrong?"
I sat up and pressed my lips together as they quickly trembled, two fat tears rolled down my cheek.
"Oh, Jacky..." Alexander said pitifully and embraced me in a tight hug.
I buried my face on his shoulder and sobbed. I rapped my arms around his torso and gripped his shirt as tight as I could. My loud sobbing was muffled against Alexnder's shoulder, but I still worried about the other soldiers getting curious. I tried to calm myself down, but it seemed impossible now. Alexander rubbed my back soothingly as I continued to sob openly on his shoulder.

This seemed to go on for minutes, hours, maybe even days, the time seemed to fly away from me, but it did it so slowly.

"Do you want to go to bed now?" Alexnder asked quietly.

I nodded sadly and laid down on the bed as Alexander did the same. I buried my face in his chest and embraced him, our legs intertwined. He embraced me as well and rested his head on the top of mine.
I let out a sad, shaky sigh as some last, final tears escaped my eyes and dampened Alexnder's night Shirt. Alexander let out a sigh of pity as he stroked my hair and kissed it, resuming his rubbing on my back. I snuggled up to him and slowly dozed off to sleep.

A/N
Welp..that was depressing...anyways I hoped you liked it because I hate it already...(what a happy chapter for John birthday, am I right?)
My heart is beating sooo hard rn I'm so nervous..I'm going to bed soon so I might not be able to respond to ur comments but omg I'm so scared