Lams stuff

Jacky...Please Come Back...

A/N: ok so ik that I should be writing the one about the bath and I'm really sorry. I couldn't come up with anything and that's why it's been taking so long. I've saved what I had in a document for later but for now I'll be writing other things. Thank you for your understanding.
TRIGGER WARNING: this takes place went John dies so obviously Alex isn't to happy about it. If you are uncomfortable with death and grief, I highly suggest reading something else. Also there's a brief mentioned depression and John cutting himself soo
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I was sat at my writing desk, quill in hand, writing away. I impatiently taped my desk in a steady beat. I had sent a letter to Jacky weeks ago and I had not received a reply since.
I was used to it though. He was always very distant with his letters.
Would it kill him to write another? Especially one as important as this one, as I had proposed that he should join politics by my side.
"Alexander," I heard a timid knock on the door of my study, "there's a letter for you from South Carolina."
I must be John's reply.
I opened the door to see Betsy holding a letter in her hand. "Thank you-"
I reached out to take it but she pulled back her hand. I looked down at her in confusion but then I caught her eye. There was a pained look on her face when she looked back at me. "I'm so sorry, Alexnder.."
Betsy took a deep breath and handed the letter to me.
I gave her a worried look before retreating back into my office, closing the door behind me. Without missing a beat, I opened the letter, excepting it to be Jack's well awaited response.

Although, as I scanned the letter, my excitement quickly drained from my face and replaced with fear.

John is dead.

My heart pounded against my chest, almost bursting out and I stumbled my way to my chair. My hand shook as I placed the letter on my desk. I felt a lump in my throat. I tried not to think about the bullet that pierced through Jacky's torso. His agonizing scream. His body falling with a terrible thud on the crimson stained grass...
I grasped my coat that was hanging the back of my chair and rapped it around myself like a tight cocoon. Mostly I kept it on my chair for when I got cold, but now it's serving a different purpose. My legs were tucked tightly under my coat as I quietly sobbed into the cold fabric.
A makeshift simulation of Jacky's warm embrace.
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I wish he were still here.
He always knew exactly what to do to calm me down.
He always understood why I refused to talk about my childhood, but would always comfort me during storms all the same.
He would hold me close and run his fingers through my hair. He would assure me that everything was alright and that he would protect me form the storm.
He never made fun of me. He never thought I was weak. He never even told a soul.
And I would do the same to him.
He was sad often and would try to hide it, but the dam was bound to break eventually.
And it did.
I'd rub his back as he'd cry is heart out into my shoulder. I'd listen to him as he told me his troubles. Some, I understood, some, I didn't.
I'd always do anything I could to cheer him up. Even if I had to say things I didn't believe or things that I thought I'd keep to the grave. Anything to see his beautiful smile again. His thin pink lips spreading into a grin, his icy blue eyes glimmering, it was contagious. Every time he'd smile, I'd smile back.
But now, I won't ever see it again. No matter how many times I whisper sweet nothings or pretend to rub his back, I will never be able to see his beaming face again.
Never.
I let out a loud sob that echoed around the small study.
I heard that same timid knock from Betsy. She opened the door just a crack.
"Alexander, Is everything aright?" She asked, concerned. "I know it's a lot to take in and-"
"You don't understand."
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I climbed and blew out the candle in my bedside table, I rolled over to face the ceiling. I let out a shaky sigh, I felt my eyelids droop.
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Time passed, I fell asleep.
I felt a hand grab my arm, I awoke but kept my eyes shut.
"Alexander, open your eyes.", said-
"John?"
I rolled over to take a closer look.
What I saw was more than gruesome.
His skin was pale from blood pouring out of his side and staining the bedsheets. He was covered in scratches and bruises. He was barely recognizable.
"Alexander look what you did to me."
His voice was gravely wheezy.
"ALEXNDER WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?", John shouted weakly, having to raise his voice to overpower my horrified screaming..
I couldn't speak. I don't move. All I could do was watch in horror.
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!", he shouted. He pulled back his sleeve to reveal long cuts sliced along his arm.
"IT'S ALL YOUR FALT! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME TO DIE!"
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"ALEXNDER, WAKE UP!"
I awoke to Betsy shaking me, my mouth was gaping open. I could still here my bloodcurdling scream echoing off the bedroom walls.
"It's fine, it's...fine..just...just a dream...it's just a dream..", I muttered, more to myself than to Betsy.
"Alexnder, are you-"
"I...I have to go..", I whispered, my voice just loud enough for Betsy to hear, my mouth moving the bare minimum.
"Alexander...wait!"
"I'll be back before you know it."
I got out of bed and lit the candle on my bedside table. I carefully waded my way through the darkness.
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I opened the door to my study and set the candle I was holding on my desk. I opened one of its dewars to find the letter from John's father.
Maybe John wasn't dead.
Maybe it was a mistake.
I carefully scanned the letter for loopholes, once, twice, thousands of times.
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Nothing. I found nothing.
I looked up after what must have been the umpteenth scan to see a small sliver of light peaking through the study curtains, I moved them back to reveal the slightest of sunshine rising above the bunches of trees and houses.
I sighed and pulled out some work letters I needed to finish. I wonder if he really does hate me all the way up in heaven. I wonder if he misses me.
Looked down at the daunting pile of work. I took a letter from it to see an unfinished on from John.
I but my lip and blinked away some tears. I got out a fresh piece of parchment. I'll write my way out of my grief.
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My dearest, Jacky,

See you on the other side.

Yrs forever,
      A. Hamilton