Turning Pages

Chapter Sixteen

SIXTEEN 

I was awakened early Christmas morning by Jenni jumping on my bed and scaring me half to death. "It's Christmas, Addie! Come on!" 

I crawled out of bed, feeling worse than when I'd climbed in at four o'clock that morning. Mom and I had spent half the night finishing the presents for the kids, and my eyes felt like sandpaper. "Coming," I mumbled as Jenni bounced off my bed and over to the doorway. 

Benji met us at the base of the stairs, and we went into the living room. It didn't look a thing like it had last Christmas. Now we were surrounded by packing boxes, and the edges of the paper tree were starting to curl from the moisture in the air, due to all our baking. Most of all, Dad had been with us last year, dressed in his blue satin bathrobe and handing each of us a mug of warm apple cider as we entered the living room to find our presents. This year Mom handed out the cider, her eyes shining with happy tears. 

"Merry Christmas," she said to each of us in turn, and we gathered at the base of the wall where our "tree" hung. 

The kids already knew Christmas would be a little meager, and they didn't seem to mind. They'd told Mom all they really wanted was to spend the day together, and that's what we were going to do. Breakfast, sledding, an afternoon of Christmas movies . . . Mom had planned the entire day, and I'd volunteered to make dinner that night-my special lasagna. As we exchanged our small presents and laughed and talked, I felt my heart expand until it filled my whole body with love for my family, these special people who accepted me just as I was. 

We had just opened the last of our gifts and I thought we were done, but Mom cleared her throat. "You know your dad was a planner," she began. "He liked his life organized down to the last detail. He even charted out when Benji and Jenni were going to come along." Mom laughed, but then wiped a tear from her eye. "He ordered your Christmas gifts in June and hid them in his sock drawer. So I have something to give you from him, too."  

She reached behind the sofa and pulled out a sack. There was a small, wrapped package for each of us, including Mom. Dad's handwriting was on the tags, and my breath caught when I saw it. Something so simple, like handwriting, could take me back in a flash, and my chest hurt as I looked at the words. He had a special way of writing the A in my name, with a grand flourish, like he was using a calligraphy pen instead of a plain old ballpoint. I glanced up to see that Mom, Benji, and Jenni hadn't opened their gifts either. They held them, looking like they'd seen a ghost, and I'm sure that's how I looked too. 

I took a deep breath. "Oh, come on," I said, trying to sound cheerful. "Dad wanted us to have these, not stare at them." 

Mom chuckled. "You're right. Come on-let's race." 

The kids tore into their presents. I did too, after carefully removing the tag and placing it to the side. I was going to save it forever. 

Jenni and I got matching pendants in the shape of flowers. The gemstone in the center of mine was blue, and Jenni's was pink. Benji got a tie clip with his initials engraved on it, and Mom's gift was a diamond pendant. It was small, but it sparkled against the living room light. She immediately fastened the chain around her neck. 

I helped gather the wrapping paper and throw it away, and Mom and Jenni went upstairs to get dressed. I heard a sound behind me and turned to see Benji standing there, tears running down his face as he stared at his tie clip. 

"What's the matter, Benj?" 

"This tie thingy . . . it's for church." 

"Yes, it is." I took a step closer. "You okay?" 

"Yeah. I've just had a hard time with church stuff, you know? Like, if God's real, why'd he take Dad? I know that's stupid, but it's how I've felt sometimes. But this . . . " He pointed at the clip. "Church meant a lot to Dad, so it should mean a lot to me too, right?"