June 15th 2018
"Do what makes you happy."
So, to semi commemorate the beginning of a new chapter in my life... I have started to write in a new journal. A journal with a promise tied to it. It was challenged that I write one happy thing everyday... Everyday has been difficult because I've been swallowed by my grief. But my grief is not me, it does not define me. Sure I've been lost, trapped even, but this grief is not me.
I miss Diane, and I miss my Grandma, but even now I know that they wouldn't want to see all my tears. all my heartache, the sorrow and the depressive episodes that continuously envelope me. I know in my heart that they would rather I be happy and be at my best. Happiness is something I had felt like I had forgotten.
Tonight I had a date night, or rather just a me night. (Treat yo'self) I've been too hard on myself lately, stressing out about things I shouldn't be depressed about, caring too much about things that I don't care about, or stopped caring about a long while ago. I've thought so poorly of myself for so long. That I'm not as great as people lead me to believe. But I know now that those lines of thinking are so very wrong. I've felt unlikable, unworthy of affection, and un-dateable. But in this moment I know these to be untrue.
