The 614 Pilot || p.cy x b.bh

The 614 Pilot

6:13.

Just 12 seconds...

6:14.

*click*

It's perfect. Look it's perfect. Today your rays are especially beautiful. It shines so bright. Like 3 years ago. I still remember it. We sat on a bank at a park. There weren't many people. It was a Wednesday, our graduation day. You had ice cream in your hand. Strawberry and Cheesecake. Your favorite flavor.

You asked me if I wanted to move in with you. I was so happy to hear that.

"I think it's a good idea. I mean I love you, you love me. We do everything together. We graduated. We're allowed to move in together since we're both adults."

I loved the fact that you practically said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Forever.

We talked a lot so it was getting darker. It was a wonderful night to see the stars. So that's what we did. You were so excited for it. So cute.

As we sat there under the stars, you told me your mom is getting married again. That man you didn't like, but you were still happy for her.

"As long as she's happy, I am too."

You smiled bright. No, you shined. Like the sun. Like today. You were so happy. And I was happy, because you were.

Because your mom was getting married, you could've gone to college. We wanted to go to the same. So we would do everything from dusk till dawn together and forever.

We talked a long time till I heard something ringing. It was your phone. You answered and you were told to come to the hospital. Your grandma only had less than an hour to live.

You stood up and apologized. You said there was no need to drive you cause the hospital was nearby. It was still dark and late. But I trusted you. So you left with the last sentence that I got to hear from you.

"I love you too, Chanyeol. Go home safe."

On my way home I felt something vibrating in my pocket. It was your mom. She asked where you were. I just hung up, because I knew something happened to you. I just knew it, I shouldn't have let you go alone. I should have insisted to go with you, but I didn't.

I couldn't find you anywhere till I crossed that street. I saw you laying there. Everywhere was blood. I immediately took you to the hospital.

I couldn't think straight anymore. I was worried to death. I only could think of if I just took you here, what would have happened then? Everything probably would've been okay. It was all my fault my mind was filled with guilt.

I was worried about your mom. It was so pitiful. First your grandma then her one and only and most precious son, which was you.

I felt so much pain. It was like someone stabbed me. Right into my heart. I felt so lifeless. So dead, but still immortal. Someone stabbed and stabbed. Again and again, but I was still alive instead of you.

It was all my fault. My fault that your mom was like this. My fault that you are like this. And my fault that I am like this.

Everything was my fault. Guilt washed over me again. The fact that nothing is going to change, is the worst. I cried so much. I cried till I couldn't cry anymore, because there were no tears left to cry.

I'm crying again. How embarrassing and stupid. Again. It flows and flows, as if it happened yesterday.

I've never told you why I always take pictures at 6:14, right? I do it, because it's an angel number. 614. The number 6 means expressing gratitude and grace. The number 1 means we create our own realities. The number 4 means willpower and effort. I personally think, it really fits you. Besides it characterizes you very well, don't you think?

You know. Jongin. He's my best friend. He supported me through all this. He takes care of me. I'm very thankful, that someone like him exists. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be standing here and taking pictures of you everyday.

But you probably knew all of these already, right? Cause I know you are watching every action of me from above.

"Hey, Chan!"

You see? There he is. He's always there. For me.

"Today's sun shines especially bright, don't you think?", Jongin smiled. I like it if he smiles. It gives me a reason to be here on this lonely, cold planet. Without you.

"That's what I told him too. You know, I like it when you smile, Jongin."

"You think so?", he smiled again. We sat there for a long time at the sea. Watching you going down to sleep, Baek. No words. Just silence and the sounds of the waves. I hope you're coming back some day.

"Tell me, Chan. Aren't you tired of doing this everyday?"

"I promised Baek, if we're not getting old together, I'll take pictures of him everyday."

"Chan, Baek isn't here anymore. You know that."

"He's here. He's just a pilot that flies a plane, which will never land."