Bird Eyes || Tomtord

Family

Tord stirred gently in his slumber, waking up one of the beings beside him. She let out a squawk, waking him. Hunger was immediately present. He lifted his head to let out a few loud chirps and a moment later food was given.

Then he remembered the strangeness of the situation. Then he remembered Tom. He again let out a chirped "Fuck!"

Death was supposed to get rid of his guilt, but his gut churned with it, turning him into a nauseous mess. He shook himself, trying to push the bad thoughts away but they came and there would be no stopping them.

He heard a loud caw and felt a weight against his back. Turning, he saw a big bird, instinct telling him that it was his mother. She seemed to be trying to comfort him, but it wasn't working, he wanted to be alone in his suffering. He didn't want help from some stupid bird.

Then noticed that he was surrounded by stupid birds, and that the only was to be alone was down. He peered out over the edge to the abyss below. His sharp eyes saw each singular blade of grass seemingly miles away from him. Down... or up.

Bird. That's what he knew. He was a bird. Not sure what kind, he could find that out later, but he knew that he was a bird and birds can fly. But he was- what? A few days old? How long until bird's usually learn to fly? How long until he can get away and suffer in peace?

Oh, right, the suffering. First food, now flight had distracted him. But now that he had come to know this, there wouldn't be anymore distraction. He would have to be around people- avians, while he mourned.

At first he thought in a groan, Oh, Tom. Oh, Tom. Tom, oh. He couldn't express it enough. He couldn't even manage to think of any words other that a vowel and his lover's name, until he could. Only two more words, but that let room for others. Oh, Tom, I'm sorry. He cheeped and chirped out into the unknown world, Sorry! Sorry!

He tried to focus on anything else, anything to delay the inevitable, but it had already came and held him tight in its talons. He cried out in a way no human could understand. He cried out to his lover that lived hundreds of miles away. He cried out to this unforgiving earth. He cried out, Sorry!

Why had he done it in the first place? Why had he gone to the police? Why had his dumb past-self done that stupid thing? Selfishness? Guilt? Depression? He had thought that it would help, but it just made everything ten times worse.

Maybe because he still thought that he would go to heaven when he died. During one of the apocalypse, he swore he had seen heaven. His soul had left his body, dressed in a white robe and bearing a harp, he swore he had seen it. A place where he could be in peace. Where had that gone? Was it all a dream?

Had he sinned too much since then? Starting an army and sadistically loving every second of it was apparently too much, so that whatever higher being there was decided that he should be sent back down to hell, back to earth. Apparently his life wasn't big enough of a sacrifice to cover all of those people he had hurt, they needed another, and another.

Maybe that was it. Maybe the world would continuously murder him in a million ways. Maybe that would be his eternity. Maybe that would be his hell. He deserved it, didn't he? For hurting so many.

He was physically hit with a small body, one of his siblings. It was... What it was doing, Tord didn't know, but he felt something. He felt... better. Comfort? Was this baby bird comforting him? Whatever, it kind worked.

Family, he suddenly thought, firm and meaningful. This was his family. There was simply no question about it, this was family. They cared. They were birds, stupid birds, but they cared.

Or they didn't; maybe they didn't love him at all. Maybe it was coincidental that the baby bird moved against Tord in a calming gesture. He liked to think that they cared, so he believed it. He desperately needed some sympathy anyways. Weird, his sibling's comfort had help while he pushed away his parents. Already moving to the emo phase just a few days old.

He pondered his old life. He wondered how better his past self would have been if he had had siblings. If he could have talked through his feelings with a caring older sister, or had an older brother to look up to. Instead of trying to be better than everyone, he could have just had a set of blood related people to compete against. Or it would have pushed him further into world domination. He would never know.

What he did know was that this was his family. If only Tom was here.