Clarity

Part 11

Selena POV

I was sitting with a microphone, in front of me, headphones on, waiting for my new song, "Perfect," to finish playing through the speakers at "On Air with Ryan Seacrest." Shock was written on the face, I knew I sounded desperate, this wasn't normal, not even when I released "The Heart Wants What it Wants."

"Well, well, Selena. I'm at a loss for words." Ryan looked so confused, like I knew everyone would be, there was tense silence, not a usual thing for radio.

"So, you were obviously in a vulnerable state when you created this song. Why release it now?" he finally gained his composure, asking the question.

"It actually wasn't my decision to release it. My management felt like it was the right time, and in a way I felt like a owed my fans an explanation." I tried to answer as truthfully as possible, without showing how truly hurt I was about earlier, or how pissed I was about having to be forced to release this song.

"This song seems so personal, in a way is this a continuation to 'The Heart Wants What it Wants'?" Ryan's voice was very serious, I doubted this made entertaining radio, this was like a  confessional.

"I think it's more like another perspective on the situation. I'm more vulnerable, there's no question about it, but this was more like my internal thought process, always thought that I wasn't good enough. And that is an awful thought." I found myself answering the questions, just vague enough that I didn't name any names, but giving enough information to have an honest answer.

"It's pretty clear, what the song is about, and thinking back a few years, we all know what was on the headlines. Is it safe to assume that their was infidelity going on?" my heat stopped at this question, at that point, I still didn't know the answer.

"We both made mistakes, things that we shouldn't have, things that unintentionally hurt the other, misunderstandings, it's impossible to put the blame on one person." I felt my voice crack on the last word, I hated that it still affected me so much, hated that it controles me like it did.

"Alright, now on to some brighter topics, about a week ago, you and Justin were spotted outside of a pediatrician's office and than an hour later you guys posted two pictures of Noelle, back to back, was it planned?" Ryan changed the topic, and for that I was so thankful, but I knew that Justin had wanted, I had wanted, for the topic to be off our daughter.

"We just reached a point, that we knew we couldn't run from this anymore, it sucks how it came out, but we can't do anything about it. It was either going to be the paparazzi or us, so the answer became pretty clear."

"So, we wanted to play a little game with you. Everyone, especially now a days, is on their phone..." I didn't know where he was going with this, but I figured it was a tactic to get more information out of me, I just nodded along, "we decided that from this moment forward we are going to ask our guest what the last thing they did on their phone was, in hopes that they would in turn use their phone less. Which is what's I am asking you."

I froze up, but I realized that I didn't have to answer specifically, so I took a deep breath and continued.

"I talked on the phone." they looked like they wanted more out of me, but I had promised Justin that I would keep personal and business separate, I had promised myself.

They wanted to know more, but they didn't ask, probably sensing my discomfort with the topic.

Justin POV

I walked downstairs, to find Noelle and my mom sitting on the couch talking about something, there faces were a perfect mirror of each other smiling, probably talking about some princess or cartoon, I stood there for a little while, savoring the moment. I knew that Noelle loving with me would come to an end, I hated that, the fact that there was always gaps between when I got to see my own daughter. These months we spend apart, I know affect my Noelle as much as it affects me. She never had both parents, it was always one or the other, only on special occasions, like her birthday had she seen Selena and I in the same room, before everything happened.

I guess sensing my presence, my mom turned back to me, her smile never leaving her face, "You ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just need to grab a few things for little miss Noelle, and we will be good to go." I tried lifting up my spirits as much as possible, snapping out of my thought process, but there was a reason I was a musician and not an actor.

"Oh Daddy, can you get me my doll?" Noelle jumped up from the couch running up to me, looking up at me, with her puppy dog eyes, knowing all too well that I would do anything for her. I picked her up, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Only if you come with me." I tickled her on her ribs, just to make her laugh, anything to see her face light up, anything.

We walked up the stairs, my mom following closely behind. Reaching her room, I paced my little princess down, as she walked around her room, looking for the coloring book that she had in mind, I stood by the door, my mom next to me.

"You need stop thinking so much, and enjoy yourself." my mom whispered, so that only I could hear.

"I just want it to end."

"What?"

"This."