Reflections

Part I-Chapter V

~Zia Meadows~

During my Lunch period, I could see Diana staring at me. The look on her face was frightening and crooked. The pale blue-green eyes were diving deep into my soul, there was no life, no affection. Suddenly, she broke her emotionless expression and turned away. My heart raced and anxiety engulfed me. I couldn't sit next to her or Ace. By now, she's already turned them against me because she was always the controlling factor in the group.

I turned around to find another place to sit. I did see Victor and his friends at their table, but I didn't think I would be able to sit there without getting catcalled. My legs started to tremble, and standing straight almost became a tedious task. The voices that try to bring me down to the river of the dead whispered.

You are alone, you have no place to go.

I kept telling myself the opposite, that I'm not truly alone. I'm not alone.

"Zia?" Someone came behind me.

I got startled and nearly dropped my lunch bag. I turned around to find Nala and Blaise. They were twins and my competitors during Track practice.

Nala has long, flowing chestnut hair that's typically tied up to a bun and completed with knitting sticks. She also wears nice flower-patterned shirts with natural or pastel colored pants. She was well-known for her artwork and knitting in class.

Blaise has the same chestnut hair, but in a pixie-cut style. He does wear plaid frequently, and that helps him stand out in a crowd. He tends to be shy and can be somewhat anti-social, but has a brilliant gift for his viola.

Finally, I answered,

"Yes?"

Nala and Blaise looked at one another and then Nala asked,

"Hey, do you want to sit with us? You look like you need a place to sit."

I nodded and gave them my gratitude.

I settled and finally began eating, then I felt at ease.

After Lunch was over, I spotted Victor and caught up to him.

"Victor! Victor!" I yelled.

He turned around and saw me running. When I appeared next to him, he laughed and asked,

"Zia, what are you doing?"

"Trying to get caught in your wind."

He laughed again and we walked to our next class together. On our way, he looked at the boys' bathroom door and there was a sign on it that read,

Theatre Department only

In this school, the Theatre Department was the biggest trademark. They have their own bathrooms to change and put makeup on prior to class or rehearsal. I always thought this was low-key biased, but after putting in some thought, I realized that Athletics has lockers, benches, and bathrooms, so I can't complain. Then, I heard the most hilarious sentence if I had ever listened to one,

"No one tells Victor Neal where not to pee!" He declared and wore a disappointed look.

I burst in pure laughter. The way he phrased that sentence was priceless, then the expression that was written on his face. It resembled a toddler that desired candy, but couldn't locate any. I was giggling so much to the point tears were going down my face and I felt that my inner gut was going to explode. I hadn't laughed like that in a very long time.

Victor looked at me in a confused way,

"What's got you going?"

"I'm sorry, but what you said was perfectly timed and equivalently amusing!" I said in between my laughs. "I'm dying!"

He chuckled, but I wasn't sure whether he did because of his joke or that fact that I found it hilarious. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be able to know exactly what goes through his wild head. Though, I think that's what makes it fun to hang around him. I haven't even been friends with him for more than a day, yet it feels like I've known him my entire life. It's brilliant to have such people in life, so who the blazes am I to complain?

"Zia, shouldn't you get to class?" He told me.

I finally cooled down and replied,

"Yeah, but you need to as well!"

"I can't." He smiled. "I need to find a bathroom that Victor Neal can use"

I cracked up a bit because the joke was indeed still alive. I turned around and headed to my next class.

"See you after Track!" He shouted.

I grinned and entered the classroom.

Diana was in that class, and that instantly set me back into the ugly, unfruitful reality. I still had to face her. Worst of all, she assigned to sit right in front of me.

A few minutes later, she appeared from the door and gave me another cutting glare. Should I regret saying that to her yesterday? No, she's been abusing me for months, she's been using me as a pincushion. I'm finished with that pain, I'm done with living under the rain.

Don't go hanging out with other people just because you can't fit into this group. You just want sympathy, you just want attention.

What makes her believe she can control who I spend my time with? What can she possibly do? Kill me? Oh right, she's actually thought of that twice, but still, she can't lay a finger on me. Also, what the hell makes her perceive that I desire sympathy? When I need help or someone to talk to, I don't do it for attention, I do it because it actually aids me when in need. She used to understand that, I don't know why she can't now. Sympathy? Attention? If I truly wanted that, I would have instantly told Victor what was going through my head when he asked the first time!

All my anger caused me to snap my pencil in half.

Diana flinched when she saw me do that. She wrote something on a piece of paper and tossed it to me.

"I'm sorry."

Seriously, an apology? What she did was by far was unforgivable. Only a dysfunctional human-being would say "It's okay, I forgive you." It's time that I evened out the conflict. I crumbled the note and threw it away. I wrote on another piece of paper with the phrase,

"C'est trop tard pour s'excuser!"

With that, I'm confident that I've rested my case.