Earth Angel

Chapter 22

I tried so hard to make every day go by slow, but before I knew it, college was less than 2 weeks away. It was exciting to know I'd be a college student soon, but I just felt so attached to New York. This was going to be so hard. I constantly yelled at myself for not writing better applications for the colleges close by. Why did the one I wrote for UCLA have to be the best? Was this just my fate?

I felt guilty for having this dread since my parents would be spending a lot of money on this, but at the same time I convinced myself it was totally normal to be so upset about leaving your house for four years. It would be so hard to visit. Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter would be such a hassle, and I never did like planes. That brought me back to the the fact that I'd be going on a 5 hour plane ride with Pete by my side. He wasn't a bad guy... I was just afraid of him pulling another move on me.

So now I was trying to stop the sniffles escaping from me, and trying to calm my shaking body. Yes, I was crying. Was. Now I was just trying to stop. I needed to toughen up! I was an 18 year old girl, not a 7 year old girl. I needed to act my age and just accept the fact that this will be worth it. Sort of. I pray I don't get extremely homesick and have to buy a plane ticket back to New York.

Holding my breath to stop the crying wasn't helping, so I just exhaled loudly and slumped back on my bed. I looked at the ceiling, then turned my head to look at the boxes everywhere. Now, of course I didn't pack my whole room, but it seemed like I did since I'm one of those people who need to take everything with them when they leave for a long time. It was bad. And my room looked so lifeless. There weren't as many clothes in my closet, only a few pieces of jewelry on my dresser-- which, yes, still had the large crack in it from Dominic's rage. It just brought so much sadness over me to think it was now August 29th, and college started in 5 days.

I was suddenly brought out of my trance when my door opened and there stood Dom and my mother. My mother smiled at me, but that smiled faded a bit when she saw my state.

"Honey.. are you alright?" She asked worriedly. Oh God... I probably looked disgusting, Dom couldn't see me like this! But wait- he already did. And now I felt really naked and ugly. Why does crying do this to me?

"Yes, I'm okay." I answered wiping my eyes and sitting up. She didn't look convinced at all, but just let it go.

"Alright. Well, Dominic came to see you." She said. I nodded, signaling for her to leave. She nodded back and then disappeared from my doorway. My eyes shifted to focus on Dom, who looked just... heavenly. Lately, we hadn't had any physical contact. We made sure to call each other every night, but we never actually saw each other for a week. To us, that's a month.

He came over and sat next to me on my bed, and just took me into his arms. He didn't say a word, he just held me. His familiar scent filled my nose and I felt so calm. Suddenly I felt less sad, and I held onto him tightly. He stroked my hair while pressing my head to his chest.

"Tell me what's wrong." He said, his voice soft and low. He let me go and I pulled away to look at him. Then I began getting distracted by the gorgeous features on his face, so I had to look away.

I sighed heavily and shrugged. "I don't know. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

I was going to sound so stupid saying I was crying over college when I was the one who said I couldn't just not go.

I hid my face in my hands and felt so pathetic. I'd been constantly telling Dom that college was way too important to blow off, and if I told him that now I was crying over it I'd seem... I don't even know. 'Stupid' is an understatement. Not that this out of the blue meltdown is going to stop me from going to California, but it will make me seem cowardly. I don't want to be like that. I want to be able to accept this a move on. But that won't happen. That's not me. I'm 18, but I honestly can't believe that. I felt like a baby whose pacifier had just been stolen.