Why the Straight One? | Book 1 | bxb

Entry 29 - No Reason To Stay

I froze in shock, my brain not processing what was happening. All I knew was that this didn't feel right, and I didn't want this.

"What the hell, Elliot?"

He pulled away from the kiss, but didn't answer.

"I'm married. You're married!"

"To men who don't give a damn about us!"

"Thomas-"

"If Thomas cared about you at all, he wouldn't have run after Joan like that."

"He does, but-"

"Stop being so naive, Alex! He doesn't give a fuck about you!"

His eyes were hard, the Elliot that I knew and loved nowhere to be found in his face. His arms held me tightly, and even though I thought I'd never say this, I was starting to feel afraid of him. Elliot was much stronger than me if it came right down to it.

"Let go of me." My voice was calm and unnaturally even.

"No."

"I said let go of me." I could feel my anger mounting, and pushed hard on his chest.

"Alex-"

"Stop this! Look I'm sorry that you had to marry Jasper. I really am. I'm sorry that you are here by yourself, and I'm sure it's hard, but this isn't going to help anything."

His eyes blazed with anger, and he let go of me, hands curling into fists at his sides.

"Everyone is sorry. Everyone wishes it could have been avoided. You're all so fucking sympathetic, but I'm the only one who has to face the reality of it!"

"What else do you want me to say? I'm not going to kiss you so you can forget. I'm sorry, but I don't like you like that. I'm your friend, Elliot."

"I don't want you to say anything. For one minute, I just want to feel like I'm not completely helpless. I'm tired of having no control over what happens to me."

"So, you'd rather I felt like that?"

He blinked, some of the anger draining from his face. He took a step forward, but I backed up quickly. Guilt flooded his eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment in time, I really didn't want to hear.

"I know you're lonely, but you can't just take that out on me."

"Why do you keep saying that? I'm not lonely."

"Because you are! Look at you! It's been two weeks and you're already trying to get me to kiss you."

"I'm not lonely!" He shouted, and I flinched at the anger in his voice. "You honestly think he leaves me alone? You can't be that naive!"

"Elliot—"

"I just want to go home." His eyes filled with tears. "But guess what. This is my home." He gestured around him at the cold living room.

"And I live in constant fear. A fear you could never understand. I dread every single night. You can't imagine my relief when he let me stay here by myself this weekend."

I didn't know what to say. He looked so miserably, so unlike how he used to look that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and try to comfort him. But after what just happened, I didn't what to do. I just stood there, one hand on the doorknob, debating whether or not to leave.