The Shadow of Levi

heaven

Point of View of Thomas, One year later

I consider myself a fool. I'm a fool for being in love with Levi. I fell for those blue eyes, I fell for the smell of cigarette smoke and lavender. Now he's six feet in the ground. The way he would stare at me when I moved to town, and how I had no idea who the pale boy was. I had known he was into to me for months, but I was scared. I did not want to feel the pain of losing someone. Fuck, if I had only listened to myself.

The feeling of loneliness comes over me almost every morning when I'm not numb from the pain killers. He's no longer next to me. The son of a bitch left for a better place and left me in the worst place. I would be better where he is, instead I'm here. I'm stuck alive in the cruel world. I laid there thinking for hours as the cold air came through the open window.

I thought going out would be a good idea but, it only made the pain stronger. I drove to the club and loud music played from inside as I took a shot from my flask to ease my nerves. The flashing lights blinded me as I walked in and people around danced, they were carefree. I went to the corner and stood there alone. I didn't have anyone to go with, I moved all the way to Portland after Levi died. I thought a change of scenery would help and it was the worst thing I could've done.

A boy with brown hair stood in the corner dancing with girls on either side of him. He looked so happy, and my slightly intoxicated brain convinced me to approach the boy. His friends pointed at me and told him to turn around and when he did, I was met with a loud voice telling me to dance.

The boy grabbed my hand and dragged me to the lit up dance floor as a remix of Animal by Kesha played. The way the lights flashed made his light green eyes glimmer as we danced. I smiled while he wrapped his arms around my hips and danced. I still hadn't learned the boys name.

He grabbed my hand once more and led me out the door into the cold, November night. I was unsure of the intentions as we sat next on a bench next to the club. "You look uncomfortable," he said, presumably reading my facial expression. "I'm just nervous, I don't even know your name," I said shyly, as he laughed. "I'm Bradley," he answered. Bradley laid his head onto my shoulder and stayed there until I wasn't too shy to speak. "Wanna go back to your place?" Bradley asked. I nodded and led him to my car, to afraid to let him down. I wasn't sure what he expected, I was scared and my heartbeat became faster.

We arrived at my apartment and I led him into the living room. He looked around and asked where my bed was. I sheepishly led him to the room and he jumped into the bed. Bradley laid on the bed, and that was it. He didn't get undressed or anything. I sat next to him and he put his head on my chest. My heartbeat became slower and the tension in my body was gone. We found a movie to watch as he laid close to me, our bodies extremely close. The both of us eventually fell asleep, still holding onto each other.

I woke up in my bed, alone. I should have known he was going to leave. All of the sudden, my bathroom opens and he comes out with a smile. "I had fun last night," he said. "I did too, much better than any one night stand," I replied, finally talking to him without any nervousness. He then asked for my phone and put in his number and texted himself as I stood there, admiring his features. "Could I get a ride home?" Bradley asked as he smiled. "Of course," I replied, smiling back.

I got dressed and he wore one of my hoodies as he had dropped a piece of pizza on him while we watched a movie. I grabbed the keys to my car and we walked to the parking garage, holding hands. I had only met him yesterday but, with anyone else, I wouldn't be this close already. I opened the door and helped him into my Volvo SUV. Bradley gave me the address to his apartment, which was decently close to mine. When he stepped out of the car, I kissed his cheek and told him I'd love to hang out again.

After Levi's death, I hadn't smiled in months. But with Bradley, I felt happy for once. I knew it was only one night of knowing him, but I felt a connection. And I hoped he felt the same. With Levi, everything had moved so slow. It took four months to kiss him but, that was fine. I loved him and waiting for him was nothing. But yesterday, I didn't want to wait. I wanted to kiss him but everything in my body held me back. "Don't ruin it," I thought as I felt my phone vibrate.

"Hey :)" the message from Bradley read. I responded quickly with another "Hey" as I smiled and felt a warm feeling in my stomach. I texted him I needed to drive home and proceeded back to the complex.

The warm air of my apartment wrapped around me as I walked in and sat down onto my couch. The news played on the TV as I slowly drifted asleep. I could have sworn I had heard someone whisper the word "Follow" as I drifted in and out of sleep. I had wrote the sound off as the news program and began to fall asleep. "It's okay," something whispered as I finally went unconscious.