The Shadow of Levi

wild heart

The cold air blew through the open window as I attempted to wake up from a long night of crying over sappy, gay movies. I felt the air hit my face and knew I was not going to be able to sleep anymore.

I walked over to the open window and looked out over the dense, foggy woods behind the building. I keep picturing Levi walking out of the woods and for once, I'd be happy again. Chills flew throughout my body as I was taken out of my trance. I walked into to my bathroom and splashed water onto my face.

The days with Levi were the best. The days where I would be getting dressed and he would come behind me and attempt to scare me but, was never able to as he was not quiet. I'd swing around and hug him while I kissed his cheek. Levi would laugh and I'd smile with all my heart. Every day my heart would melt but now, my heart is still stuck in pieces.

I grabbed my car keys and began to drive to a place where I ended up more times than I should. The trees on either side of my car calmed me, reminding me of that Levi was a part of the earth, as he would always protect it. I pulled into the empty parking lot and walked into the gate. This was the only place I felt safe.

The words read "A son, an activist and, a lover" above Levi's name. The words on the headstone meant nothing to me as he was much more than any of those. I sat down next to the grave with the flowers I had brought many other times. When I would lay there, I swear there were times when I felt Levi's head on my chest once again but, I only knew it was my brains way of coping.

I must have fallen asleep next to the grave as I felt a hand on my shoulder asking if I was okay. The stranger gazed at me with concerned eyes as I stood up, tears in my eyes.

"Are you okay, dear?" The older woman asked. I nodded and looked around to try and reconcile myself.

"You know, I've done the same thing when I've come out her to see my husband," the woman said.

"At least you were able to marry him," I said with my head down

"What happened?" She asked with a concerned look.

"Cancer, the only thing he wasn't strong enough to fight," I whispered with tears slipping out of my eye.

The older woman hugged me softly as she smiled and walked away. I looked around once more at the grave and kissed the headstone as I walked away.

The warmth of my car greeted me as I sat down in the drivers seat. My phone vibrated and Bradley texted me.

"Hey, I'm bored. Entertain me," the message read.

"Why should I?" I sent back, hoping he would understand my sarcasm

"Because I'm cute and you obviously think so," he responded with three heart emoticons following.

When I talk with Bradley, I feel happy. At the same time, I feel as if I'm cheating on Levi. Before he passed away, he told me "Don't hold back, go out and love. Move on from me, I'm always in your heart," My phone vibrated once more as Bradley had messaged me.

"So, can you come over?" He asked, I knew I didn't really have a choice because he was so persistent.

"I'm on my way, love," I messaged back quickly.

"Yay, don't text and drive 'cause that could end badly"

I sat my phone down and continued towards Bradley's. "Rollercoaster" by Bleachers played as I drove down the narrow roads and neared the building. Whenever I went to Bradley's, I got nervous. He did not live in a decent part of town, and there was just an eerie feeling whilst I was there.

I knocked on the door as the excited boy poked his head out. Bradley gestured me inside and I walked into the dimly lit apartment. The sound from the speaker by his couch played and he started dancing around.

Bradley grabbed my hands and danced with me while "Wild Heart" played. He twirled around me as he fell into my arms. We danced around for a few more minutes as Bradley walked to the couch and laid down, letting out a loud breath.

As Bradley laid on the couch, I sat down in front of him and he played with my hair.

"You ever think like, god made gay people to prevent overpopulation?" Bradley asked, quickly sitting up.

"That's an interesting take on why we exist," I responded, with a puzzled look on my face.

"Yeah, I guess it is," he said, kissing my cheek.

Bradley laid his head on my chest as I crawled up next to him on the couch. The sound of the rain began to hit the windowpane. The music was playing as he drifted asleep.

As I drifted asleep, I felt a hand on my shoulder.