Okay, that guy with the guitar, dressed in all leather, was a brunette, so he definitely wasn't Simon. Simon was blonde. Okay, maybe that guy? No, he was with the girl. Suddenly I saw stoned Lana Del Rey and I was dazzled, but then I quickly realized that it just couldn't have been her. Okay, maybe that guy? Again, it wasn't Simon. And then I noticed that stoned Lana Del Rey was smiling at me. If I was wearing glasses, I would probably take them off to clean them. I realized that stoned Lana Del Rey was actually Simon.
No, he hadn't changed his sex. He just had that extra long hair and was wearing blue jeans/white shirt. Honestly, I was expecting that Simon had changed, but I didn't expect that much of a change. Trying to hide how shocked I was I approached him:
"Well, hello!" I said with the most cheerful smile I could produce, "I didn't recognize you at first, Simon!"
"Hi!" said Simon in what can be called an awful swaggy manner, "I didn't tell you that while chatting, but now I prefer to be called Ash"
Definitely, I could make a pause to think over what he had just told me and then ask him "What the?", but instead I just said:
"I thought your name now was Delirium Knight!"
"Oh, no! That is my Facebook nickname, but Ash is my real name now!"
"So..." what he said made absolutely no sense to me, "you've changed your ID?"
"No, it's a long and very complicated story that I'm going to tell you later, as of now, let's go and grab some Cosmopolitan!"
Well, I can't say that I like Cosmopolitan. I'm actually not much into cocktails, especially fluffy ones like Cosmopolitan. Nowadays, if I get on the date with someone who makes me run around the downtown for hours in search of a fucking Cosmopolitan, telling the waiters who say that their restaurant, cafe or bar doesn't serve Cosmopolitan that they suck, I would simply ask my date-mate "Let me guess, "Sex and the City" is your Bible, right?". Unfortunately, it was 2013 and I was quite a shy and good-mannered boy.
While looking for a bar that would serve Simon...oh, Ash! Cosmopolitan we didn't talk much. Well, I didn't talk much, while he talked a lot.
"How was your day?" he asked, and without letting me reply continued, "You see, today I had to go to the river, cause that's where we were filming, and you know I got so tired. I can't say that I like working with them, I can't say that I give a damn about their film, but they asked me, so I agreed..."
"And what were they filming?"
"...and I had to do it. And after we've finished, I realized that I need to wash myself. You know, quite often I feel the need to wash myself after the contact with people. Not physical, but mental. Mental contacts can be so dirty...
They surely can, I thought.
...and I had to get home to take a shower, cause otherwise, you know, you won't be able to stand me. You know, and the whole date would lose its point...
It's already lost.
...so I had to go home to take a shower and prepare myself for the date. I had to shave all of my body...
????
...not for the case that we are going to have sex, but I hate when my body is not shaved, so I had to do that. So, basically, that's why I was late, and now, if I don't have Cosmopolitan, I won't be able to calm down, and I really need it for our date".
No explanation why his name was Ash or why he looked like stoned Lana Del Rey. His explanation was so long, convoluted that it made me dreaming of a date with actual stoned Lana Del Rey.
Finally, we found the restaurant that was serving Cosmopolitan.
