"Two Cosmopolitans, right?" asked the waitress winking at us, as we were picking the table.
"Beer for me!" I said lowering my voice.
I can't explain what came over me, but I wanted to be anywhere but there. I can't explain what came over me, but I didn't want the waitress to think that I had something to do with a boy formerly known as Simon who looked like stoned Lana Del Rey impersonator.
"What beer?" she sounded surprised.
"Heineken, Bud, whatever..."
"Okay" waitress seemed puzzled, "would like to eat anything?"
"No, nothing!" said Simon again in that awful swaggy way.
"I would have Caesar Salad"
My order definitely left Simon puzzled, as he was staring at me as if I ordered a miscarriage soup or a fried duck's vagina.
"Do you eat meat?" he asked me.
"Yeah, by the way, you want classic one or with salmon?" asked the waitress.
"Classic," I said to the waitress, already figuring out that my carnivorous meal preference would irritate FKA Simon.
As she left, Simon asked me again whether I was eating meat.
"Yes," I said, "and as far as I understand you don't?"
"No, I don't because I'm against eating anything dead. Not because I feel pity for animals or any of that shit, I just know that eating something dead is not healthy!"
"Okay," I said, "I'll drink to that!"
"You don't believe me? You don't have to be vegan not to eat meat..."
"I'm much more interested in why your name is Ash now?"
I have actually hoped for an answer as it would probably make much more sense than his stories about having a shower and his explanation of not eating meat. But once again I received no answer.
"I would tell you about it later, now let's enjoy our drinks and your salad that would cause you serious health troubles!"
"Like what?"
"You don't want to hear about that! Let's talk about movies!"
And so we did. Definitely, you can't talk much about the movies with a person who doesn't watch films made earlier than 1990s, as those movies are way too old. So, he started talking about his favourite old movie "Death Becomes Her" (1992). He was talking about his views on immortality and how earthly Diamanda Galas' music sounded to him. Needless to say that his story was so interesting that I concentrated more on my salad, rather than on his words.
I was thinking about how green cos lettuce's leaves were. I was thinking about the colour of croutons. I was wondering whether pieces of meat belonged to the hen that laid eggs that were used for the salad. I was eager to think about anything to avoid listening to Simon and realize how dumb the idea to go on a date with him was.
Finally, our food and drinks were over and I started thinking about the possible way of excusing myself from the date. But suddenly Simon...oh, I mean Ash, came with a proposition to get on the roof of the building. What for? Were we going to have sex there? Was I thinking about that? No, but I thought that it was a good idea, as if I get even more bored I could easily push him from the roof. So, I agreed.
