Suicide Hotline {Changlix}

First call

Changbin pov.:

Everyone knows it and everyone hates it: School.
While there are countless of them, they all share something in common. Even if the teachers and the school management want to fool us into a happy togetherness, we all know that things are quite different.First there are the students with special achievements like sports, music, math or something else. Then the student spokesman who can look down on you and do whatever they want. Then there are those as I call them "Fashion Queens" who only pay attention to you if you wear brand or have the latest phone.
Even ther followers think they are better. Then there are the hooligans who have nothing better to do than withdraw their money from the kids or start fighting on campus. Then there are the nerds who were always marginalized until you need them for homework, work or something similar and yet they received more positive attention than me. The ringing of the bell got me out of my thoughts. Slowly I packed my stuff and headed out of the classroom. On the way to my locker I could feel there eyes on me... just like everyday I could hear there wispers behind my back... The first weeks and months were pretty scary but as time went by I kinda got used to it. Sadly but true. I put a few books in the locker looked around quick and nearly ran out of school. Outside I put my headphones in and started the music. Everything changed after we moved from Daegu to Seoul. New House, new school, new people, and Chan wasn't with me... And then this one song came up I allways tryed to avoid ever since. It was my and Chans song, our friendship-song. I allready had my phone out and wanted to change the titel but... I just couldn't. It was like somthing was holding me back. It stood there... in little white letters... "Best of me by BTS" The song that allways reminds me of him... Slowly I could feel tears burning in my eyes. Only a little longer! I can't cry in a train! I tryed to concentrate and right after we arrived at my station I ran out. That was the moment I lost my strengh. Tears streaming down my face and I ran even faster to get home. Nobody besides Chan ever saw me like this. Nobody but Chan I could ever show my true feelings, my true pain. Finally home I bursted through the door closed it right after me and broke down in the hallway. Shaking I laid there and tryed to contoll my breath but I couldn't stop sobbing. Suddenly I remembered my promise. 'You Need to get help' Chan said to me as he moved back to australia to study at a University there. He knew that he couldn't help me much throug the distance. Should I really...? Slowly I pulled the number Chan gave me out of my phonecase. 'Whenever you feel down or want to end your live again call me or there. Promise me that' That was what he said. I took a deep breath and tiped in the number. It rung two times befor someone picked up.

,,Hello, my Name is Lee Felix how may I help you?", said a deep voice at the other side. My heart beat faster. I couldn't bring out any tone.

,,Hello?", the magic voice said again and pulled me back to reality.

,,I think no one can...", I just replyed

,,You know how many people who call here say that? Nearly all and still I do. So... tell me whats wrong" I hesitated a little befor I started talking.

,,Much actually... We moved to Seoul a little more than one year ago... since then my live became even harder... nearly same time we moved my best friend moved back to australia to go to University... I get mobbed in School alot becouse of...of my sexuality and even tho I haven't outed myself they still do it... My Dad left me and my Mum short after I got to Elementary School and we don't have much money.. another reason I get bullied... I just can't efford the newest clothes and stuff... My Mum really has a hard time ever since and I feel guilty and sorry for her and I can't do anything about it... I often hear her cry at night and it breaks my heart..." I waited a bit befor I got an answer.

,,You see... I also had some issues in my live and I'm probably not the best example how to handle them but the best advice I can give you is don't run from you problems face them. I moved here from australia because I got problems in my hometown, I haven't faced them, I ran from them. I don't know if it was Karma or something like that but things haven't got better since I moved here. They got even worst so... face the things you don't like and that make your live hard. Running from them maybe is a way to solve it but just for short... They all will come back to you and hunt you. You understand what I mean?", he said calmly.

I was paralyzed for a short moment. His voice made me fully sunk into his words. I clearly understood but couldn't bring out a word. Come on he asked you something! Awnser!

,,Y-yes...", i stuttered

,, I know it could be really hard... but I think you can do it if you really want it and... I guess you want it if you ask for help yourself. Hey uhm...Can I ask you something?" Quietly I gave my permission ,, What is your Name?"

,,C-changbin", I said and hung up.

It was more like a panik reaction than a wanted one but if I would have heard this voice only one second longer I probably can't say anything. I just would have sat there and admire it. It made my heart flutter and I am scared of that feeling. It's nice but also frightening. Lee Felix... what are you doing to me?