Suicide Hotline {Changlix}

Anger and Fear

Changbin pov.:

With the Hood deep in my face and the music so loud I thought my earphones are gonna burst I passed the schoolentrance.
I opened my locker thinking 'Why was that guy starring at me like that? Do I have somethig on my face or what? But I have to admit, he was kinda cute.' I smiled a little, took my stuff out and went to class.
Just as usual, everyone was staring at me when I walked up to my seat in the last row and sat down. Psychology... I hate that subject! Our last topic was how and when people start trusting each other... boring! I don't trust anyone but Chan so why do I even have to know that?!

The class slowly got silent when the teacher Mr. Kim stood up and  ,,Good morning class. Today we will start with something new. The principal picked this topic for our class, because as he said it 'People in your age deal with it the most' so we have to work with it wether you like it or not." He started explaining "Our next Topic will be...", while turning around to write it on the blackboard.

The classroom suddenly became dead silent. My heart skipped a beat, but then I felt it beating in my throat. Everyone was starring at me and I tried to pull the sleeves of my hoodie even further down to cover my scared wrists.
'Depression' was spelled out in big white letters on the board. I gulped and looked at Mr. Kim. He seemed  to notice that something was wrong and started talking again.

,,I know this is a really difficult topic, especally in your age and generation but it's important to know about it and how to help. All endclasses will treat this topic in there psychology class. We will also have a project about it and some experts who have contact with depressed people on a daily basis will come here to our school. That will be on friday. And I want you all to take this seriously. It's nothing funny about it" At his last sentences, he directly glared at some of my classmates.

And believe me, you do not want to be in the same room, when that guy gets angry.

,,But on Monday, one of our guests for the project will allready come to introduce himself and also explain a few things about the upcoming project"

After that, I didn't really had the nerves to listen to whatever he was saying. I had to think about all of their eyes that layed on me and about the wispers behind my back. Suddenly I started to shake and I felt a cold shiver running down my back. Terrified, I was terrified.

 ,,Hey Changbin~ Feeling addressed~?" asked Yungjeo, who sits next to me, with an evil smirk.

I couldn't hold it back... the sudden anger... that was to much... Not even five seconds after he said it my fist went right into his face. He fell out of his chair and screamed in pain.

,, Are you crazy?! Y-you Psycho!", he shouted.

I looked at him just as shooked as my classmates looked at me. With shaking hands and tears burning in my eyes I ran out of the classroom. I could hear Mr. Kim shouting after me to come back but I just ran even faster, straight to the restroom. I locked myself in one of the cabins and started to cry. I didn't care if anyone could hear me or think I am week. I just sat there crying, and screamed out my anger, frustration and fear. Everyday is like a war for me ... a fight I can not win ... I never come here without fear and that was my limit ...  Then a need I hadn't feld like in a month came back. I searched for something sharp. Finally I found my razor blade and held it to my wrist. I wanted to ... I really did ... But something was holing me back. I slowly took out the number ... Hesitantly I tiped it in my phone and called. It rang two times bevor someone picked up

,, Hello my Name is Lee Felix how may I help you?" I remembered it from the first time ... that magical voice of his.

,,I-I think I need help..."