Kissing in Cars

Chapter 1

What would happen if time could just..... stop? Would be a normal thing to think about if I was a normal person.

However I'm not. I never have been. Ever since the sixth grade I've been described as "special", "better", "greater" than the average person. I was one to impress, always getting straight A's in my middle school classes, always getting saxophone solos during our concerts. If there was an award to receive, I would always be the one to receive it. I was loved by all teachers and hated by most students. They all envied my "greatness" and often labeled me as "cocky" and "arrogant" and a "show off". I always brushed off the comments, thinking that no one really meant it. They were just "jealous". One could hear the audible sighs when I graduated middle school with the highest GPA in the eighth grade and was asked to make a speech.

Many girls "swooned" over me in middle school and as soon as the graduation ceremony ended I was practically attacked by teenage girls asking to take a photo for Instagram. However I never felt anything toward them. Actually I never was attracted to a girl. I always told myself that I just hadn't found the one but deep down I knew...

The thing is, there was a lot of quotations in the previous paragraphs. There were very few people who actually knew me, the real me. And who might that be, you ask? Well the answer is quite simple: I am a kid. I'm a kid who is sent to school and does their best like everyone else. I'm a kid who is confused about who they are and is just trying to find their place in the world like everybody else. I'm a kid who is incredibly terrified of the years to come like everybody else. And that's all I am, a kid, and for some reason everyone finds that incredibly hard to believe.

"Of course you finished with the highest GPA, Majsak," my friend, Jenna rolled her eyes after taking a picture for Instagram. She was okay I supposed. I was kind of forced into the friendship but I didn't have a problem with her. I merely shrugged, shyly running a hand through my blonde hair and looked over the sea of children getting congratulated by their parents in the small hallway. Girls were hugging in every direction while guys were fist-bumping each other for making it through three years of middle school.

Then, finally, I saw him.

Chris Lee, my best friend for years and the only guy who seemed to get me. He was the only one to stand by me, to make me feel good when no one else could. He was the one of the only people who knew me, the real me, and was one of even fewer to accept it.

He was awkwardly standing next to his parents, who were talking to mine. I smiled and began walking over to them. As soon as Chris spotted me his brown eyes lit up and he threw his arm around my shoulders.

"Well if it isn't Matt-gets every fricking award one could possibly receive-Majsak," he teased and I chuckled.

"You're just jealous," I retorted and he grinned.

"You wish you had this Asian perfection," he said, gesturing to his body.

"I truthfully wish I had your amazing Asian genes," I deadpanned, causing us both to erupt in laughter as we walked through the front doors of our school for the last time. I loved making him laugh almost as much as I loved the laugh itself.

I wasn't gay for him or anything....... or was I? This was the question I constantly asked myself as I scrolled through old pictures of us at 2:00am, smiling like an idiot. As I silently admired him from across the hallway or noted his little habits from the other side of our math class.

However this didn't matter for two reasons. One was the fact that he was as straight as a pole, considering he has had countless girlfriends in the past. Two was that this was most likely the last time we would be seeing each other.

Chris would be attending a nearby catholic school next year and I would be going to the "prestigious" Regis high school in Manhattan. I say prestigious because of the fact that it is for the best of the best and rarely anyone gets accepted. However I did, and because of this I get to go for free (another reason why everyone hates me).

As we stood in the entrance of our large school, we sadly looked at each other, knowing that this was most likely the end to our amazing story.

"I still remember when we first walked into this school," he chuckled and I nodded solemnly. Chris's eyes were full of sadness and it made me want to sob. I couldn't stand seeing him upset. My eyes no doubt mirrored his, if not tearing up. He gave me a sad, reassuring smile and placed both hands on my shoulders.

"You'll do great at Regis," he said looking me straight in the eye, "and I promise we'll keep in touch. You're not getting rid of me that easily Majsak."

I chuckled and, though it probably wasn't the manliest thing to do, I pulled him towards me and embraced him with everything I had. Chris hugged back just as tightly and for a moment, we simply stood there, holding each other because neither one of us wanted to let go of the other anytime soon. I think we both knew that this was the end, that he would find new friends to share moments with and I would do the same and the memories of the other would slowly and silently drift away to be slightly brought back by old pictures and videos in the future.

"Oh, boys, let's take a picture of you two!" my mom interrupted holding up her Polaroid camera. We reluctantly pulled away from each other, Chris's arm around my shoulders as we looked towards her.

"I can't believe my boys are all grown up!" Chris's mom exclaimed and though I wasn't looking at him, I could tell he was rolling his eyes and I laughed.

"Ok now smile! 1,2,3!" And as the camera clicked, I suddenly found myself in the Regis auditorium, listening to my new principal's welcome speech.

The entire previous summer was filled with family vacations and intellectual activities to keep my mind in good shape. I hadn't seen Chris once which made me sad but there was no way we could. As soon as I came back from vacation he would leave for one so our only form of communication was over phone. He had spent the entire previous night telling me how amazing I would do at Regis to calm my nerves which at the time were sky high. I constantly considered myself lucky to have found such an amazing friend. He was always there for me and I had no idea what I would do without him.

So there I was, sitting in the seats of my new life, half listening to what Principle Jones was saying and half day dreaming.

And as most kids were probably thinking what would happen if time were to stop, I was thinking, what if time were completely different? What if the basis of time was a tens system? What if there were 20 hours in a day? Or 30? What if time were based on the moon's revolution around earth rather than the earth around the sun. Who even made the elaborate system of numbers we call time? And so on. This was my mind constantly thinking and perpetually at work.

Little did I know that this would lead to my destruction.

Little did I know just how dangerous the voice in my head could be. And maybe if I had been warned, then maybe things would've been different. Maybe I wouldn't have dared lose touch with Chris. Maybe I wouldn't have transferred schools at all.

Then maybe my mom wouldn't have had to find me in the bathtub at 1:00am surrounded by a pool of my own blood and a razor blade in my hand 10 months later....