Wander (Terres book 4)

Chapter Forty Three: Ending

They drifted for another few hours before the mouth of the river opened, then spilled them out into the wide open ocean. Rannok grabbed his oar and helped her push the boat toward the shoreline. Ahead of them laid a white, rocky beach. He didn't see any people, and to him, that was a good thing.

The crow had appeared only briefly while they drifted, poking at his mind as if to reassure Rannok that it was still there. But Rannok knew it would be, when they needed it. It always came back, which is why he didn't worry when it disappeared again into the wide blue sky.

The boat made a small crunching noise as they ran it aground. Sasha hopped out and helped him to pull it to shore. 

"We're going to need to find food."

Sasha nodded at him. "I have a few pieces of jerky in my bag, and some rope. And the dagger Rosa gave me so we could escape." She swallowed after the last sentence, like it hurt a little bit to say.

"Enough for a few days if we set some snares," Rannok replied as Sasha fell into step beside him. There was no sense trying to take the boat. They'd abandon it here and start trekking through the forest on foot until they found a village, or a path. They weren't strangers to traveling alone in the woods or to being hungry.

Farther up, the docks receded and gave way to hard-packed dirt. Rannok stepped into the treeline a little bit before collapsing against a tree, his wings pressed up behind him. He groaned in relief and rubbed at his throbbing ankle.

"I love when the ground's solid."

Sasha snorted a laugh and settled in beside him. They didn't have a tarp or anything to make a tent out of, but Rannok was bone tired. The sort of tired that came less from lack of sleep and more from too much travel and too much running from strangers that were trying to catch you.

"We should probably rest for a while while we figure out where to go." Sasha picked at the grass peeking up from around the trees. Rannok nodded his head, then leaned it back against the rough bark. His eyes felt like they were on fire, and like the lids were made of solid lead. 

"I could do that," he said. Sasha took her pack off and slung it down behind them. It wasn't much a place to sleep. But it would do if they trampled down some of the leaves so it was flat. He'd slept in worse places. 

"I haven't slept in days," Sasha said, her voice quiet again. She didn't meet his eyes. "I was too worried when Rosa said we should probably leave."

Rannok looked at her closely. There was a blush creeping up her neck, like she'd been hiding something from him. "How long did you know before you came and got me?"

"Just a day," Sasha replied. "She wanted us to catch a ride with some smugglers, but they weren't coming until the end of the week. She closed her eyes and took a breath that looked shaky. "Rannok, I didn't think I was going to see you again, once we were done there. I didn't think—"

"—hey, it's okay." Rannok took her hand. "I'm not mad at you. I already told you that."

"You should be," she said. "How can you love someone who can't even trust you?"

He shook his head. The frustration that should have been there wasn't, only relief that she was here and anger at their circumstances. Anger at all the things that had broken each of them, and the fact that neither of them were all the way back together yet. Maybe never would be. But he remembered what Rosa had said, the simple sentence that changed everything. People don't know how you're feeling unless you tell them. 

Rannok paused for a moment, then sighed. "Well, that was my fault too actually."

"Not everything is your fault, Rannok," Sasha replied. 

"No," Rannok replied. "But I could have explained to you what it was like. I didn't know." He drew his fingers across a tuft of grass sticking up out of the beach. "I didn't know it was different here." 

"Do you still wish you hadn't left?" Sasha folded her arms across her knees. "Terres, I mean. If you hadn't fledged you would still be there."

Rannok shrugged. "It would be different." He didn't know if it would be better or worse. He would have done what everyone expected of him. Got married. Found a place to scratch out a living. Objectively it wouldn't have been terrible, he supposed. "But you wouldn't be here, and I would hate that." 

He moved to grab her hand. This time she didn't pull it away from him. It felt solid, like a lifeline. Like they could go anywhere they wanted and be fine, as long as he had her hand. "You know, it's weird, I've been in love with you for years and I just thought you would have just noticed. I probably should have just told you. It would have been easier."

Sasha let go of a few bits of grass she'd picked up and locked eyes with him for a second before looking back at the shoreline. Her face flushed. She nodded, and for a long few moments, she was quiet. He didn't mind the quiet. He could hear the sound of her breathing and the water hitting their boat. 

"Do you miss Terres?"

"Sometimes," he replied, without having to think about it. "Mostly my family. And some of the people. And the food. Everything here is too salty."

Sasha snorthed a laugh. "Terres doesn't sound awful, when you talk about it. My mother hated it, I think." 

"Maybe I'll tell you about it another time," he answered. 

Sasha's mouth tipped up into a smile, and she laughed, deep from her stomach. Her eyes sparkled in a way that he hadn't seen in a long time. He smiled, and then pretty soon he was laughing, too.

"Fuck, I'm glad I'm not in Terres." He crossed his legs and turned to look at her. The sadness had faded out of her expression, although the tiredness remained. 

Sasha scooted a little bit closer to him and held his gaze for a second that felt a little too long. He could see the freckles in her cheeks, and catch the little tremor in her throat as she breathed. "You know...I really want to kiss you again. I've wanted to for a while. But I don't know if that's crossing a line."

Rannok blinked and watched her for a second. She didn't move. He thought back to the first time, to the light and warmth and how much he regretted pulling away from her without thinking. "It's not."

She reached out and touched his face. Her hand was small and warm and calloused where she'd been holding kitchen knives and pulling weeds. She ran it through his hair and drew closer to him, then pressed her lips to his.

He decided that kissing her felt a million times better when he didn't shrink away from her like a startled cat when she did it.

"I love you," he said weakly, before resting his wings back up against the tree. She put her head on his shoulder and he gave himself a minute for his head to stop spinning.

A lot of things were different in Terres. This one he was okay with.